Lately, I’ve had a number of things to distract me. They’re good things, and I’m happy I have them. But I can’t help feeling that I’m ignoring the sadness, rather than dealing with it. And then I counter that argument in my head with the idea that maybe I’m just not dwelling on it, and […]
2,377 total views, 1 views today
This last week was a weird one. I got a little cold, but then for a couple days I just wasn’t able to sleep. Seriously, maybe an hour or two each night. In the third night, I started getting really frustrated, then I started wondering why. And as I was lying there, I realized that […]
1,364 total views, no views today
They say no news is good news, and in most cases, I agree. In the context of this blog, however, I’m not liking that there’s no new revelations lately. I am sick of being a broken record. Yes, everyone knows I miss Ian… That’s uninteresting at this point. With the events of last weekend, and […]
900 total views, no views today
I wasn’t able to write yesterday for a couple different reasons. An acquaintance of mine was raped on Friday night, and I was spending some time with her, as well as processing some stuff. I’ve been fighting with myself about writing this post, because I feel like I’m taking this terrible experience she had, and […]
809 total views, no views today
Last night, on my way to karaoke, I drove the way I tend to drive to work; the way that takes me past the turnoff to Ian’s house. The way I would have driven were I going to pick him up to take him to karaoke (minus actually turning off and going to his house, […]
721 total views, no views today
My ex, whom I dated for nearly ten years, got married today. I am so happy for him and his wife. I was happy when they started dating, and happy that they seem to be so good for each other. I wasn’t able to be a witness for them because I wasn’t in town, which […]
725 total views, no views today
Today is a harder day than I’ve had in a little while. I went to the place where we did karaoke together a lot last night, and it was fine. There were a few moments of sadness & nostalgia, but overall, it was a good night. Today, my playlist seems insistent on reminding me of […]
698 total views, no views today
To reconcile is to make harmonious, to restore friendly relations, to make things match. It’s an interesting word with many applications. One that I like. I think reconciliation is a wonderful thing, one that should be a goal for everyone. Making true. Making everything coexist in peace. But, much as I like the idea, I […]
579 total views, no views today
Another Throw Back Thursday post: All through my adulthood, I’ve never had a real clear dream or goal. I wanted to enjoy myself, survive, do good in general… Be happy. Since Ian’s suicide, I have been failing at half of those things. Maybe more. And tonight, I started wondering… What is my end goal? What […]
708 total views, no views today
There is a really insightful way that I’ve heard my friends with chronic illnesses and/or disabilities describe what their limits feel like. The Spoon Theory is eloquent and wonderful. Luckily for me, I don’t have physical illnesses, I don’t have a chronic condition that limits me physically. However, and this is not the same, but […]
662 total views, 1 views today