There’s a band I discovered in college, and I’ve had their music cycling through pretty much every playlist I’ve made since then. Today, one of their songs came up. Listening to it, I identified with the lyrics, the mood. In my darkest, most hopeless hours, I definitely feel that way. Luckily, those hours are becoming […]

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I’ve been sick for the last week and a half. This is highly unusual,because on the rare occasions I do get sick, I’m usually over it in a couple days. I don’t do sick well. Not that anyone really does, but because it’s so unusual, I tend to get more annoyed, whiny, and cranky than I […]

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Something came up after my last Sunday letter. The song I posted is about the death of a loved one. In it, one of the lyrics is “I wish I were dead.” That wish is something I’ve heard from many people over the years, some more seriously than others. Most people I’ve talked to about […]

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Emotion Chips

You think you’re doing fine. As fine as can be expected, at least. You’re used to it. Used to their absence. It’s not easy, it’s not ok, but you’re used to it. Just moving forward… marching on. And then something happens. Who knows what it is? Something you would have asked their advice on, maybe. […]

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There are days when I’m ok. I’ve been hungry like a normal person, eating regularly… For a good couple weeks steady. And then today, everything hit home again some. There are other things going on in my life.. My grandma is having health issues, and I fear the worst. Maybe just because I’m low on […]

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They say a suicide can cause a chain reaction. That sometimes people will follow suit. I never could. Many things would stop me. Mostly the thought of how it would affect those people I’d leave behind. I couldn’t do that to them. I know I’ve thought about it, though. The possibility of seeing him again […]

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Two Weeks

This is another Throw Back Thursday post. It’s Monday morning, two weeks since the last time Ian woke up. Two weeks ago was his last day alive… and I’m still pushing through. Waking up this morning wasn’t as terrible as it has been. Sleep makes you forget. And forgetting is blissful. Until you wake up […]

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Sunday Letter #8

Another Sunday letter: Ian, Today is Father’s Day. This holiday never had much to offer me, but I know you would have done something with your dad. I feel for him, though I haven’t talked to him much. I didn’t want to push myself into his life, because I may be an uncomfortable reminder or […]

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Go-To Confessor

Edited to add: I worry that by posting this, I will be discouraging people from talking to me. I don’t want to do that. I would much rather that if you’re feeling desperate, if you’re needing help, and I’m the person you’re comfortable talking with, that you DO SO. I’m ok. I will be ok. I […]

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Sunday Letter #7

Another Sunday letter. Ian, I’m mad at you today. It seems like this week was harder than many, but looking back, I think that about almost every week, so maybe it’s just that it’s hard, and as they pass, I forget that. I keep going to things you would have enjoyed. Seeing things you would […]

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