Winter Memories

In the midst of winter, it’s hard for me not to think about the time I spent with Ian during winter. It seems like most of the really intense memories happened in winter time. At the very beginning of us getting to really know each other, there was a night he got super drunk on […]

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Last Night I Cried

Lately, I’ve had a number of things to distract me. They’re good things, and I’m happy I have them. But I can’t help feeling that I’m ignoring the sadness, rather than dealing with it. And then I counter that argument in my head with the idea that maybe I’m just not dwelling on it, and […]

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Degrees of Immersion

I forget sometimes that other people who were close to Ian have had differing degrees of immersion in reminders of him than I have. From the start, I was buried in reminders. Reminders at home, on my phone, in my music, at work, in my car/routes to and from places, in leisure activities, in pretty […]

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Happy Birthday, Turdface.

Today, Ian would be 38 years old. He’d be spending his entire day at the Nitty Gritty, drinking as many free beers as he could. And he could drink a lot. I haven’t been posting lately, and I do apologize for it. But I feel like, for the time being, I don’t have much new […]

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Memory

Memory is a funny thing. It’s been a while since I really LOOKED at a picture of Ian. I have them all over the place, and I glance at them all the time. But to stop and LOOK, that’s something that takes a little dedicated time afterward to recover. It always makes me at least […]

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Self Evaluations

It’s interesting. I decided to look back at the blog posts I made a year ago, see if and how I’m doing better. Turns out I’m a lot different now than I was then. Both in predictable ways¬†–¬†ways that make sense – and in unpredictable, surprising ways. But there are still some similarities. Those are […]

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Movie Memories

On Monday, the support group I’m part of had a question about memories of movies. They asked: “What were some of the favorite movies and television shows of the person you remember in FFOS? Do you have any memories of them watching them?” That question brought back so many memories for me that I decided […]

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Wavering

Last night, on my way to karaoke, I drove the way I tend to drive to work; the way that takes me past the turnoff to Ian’s house. The way I would have driven were I going to pick him up to take him to karaoke (minus actually turning off and going to his house, […]

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Glasses

This morning, I went shopping for glasses. For the first time in at least 15 years, I am going to have some glasses for work. As I was thinking about this last night, I was pondering how someone’s glasses seem to hold a lot of their essence. I’m not sure why, but I feel that […]

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Day 365

One year. I’m having trouble figuring out how to address this day here. It feels like it’s both a huge deal, because it’s the Anniversary, and that it’s completely unimportant, because it’s just another day without Ian. One year ago right now, 12:12pm cst, I was getting ready to leave work to go to his […]

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