Another Throw Back Thursday post:

All through my adulthood, I’ve never had a real clear dream or goal. I wanted to enjoy myself, survive, do good in general… Be happy.

Since Ian’s suicide, I have been failing at half of those things. Maybe more. And tonight, I started wondering… What is my end goal? What do I WANT from my life?

At this point, I can’t really think of anything. Again, that’s not new… I think it’s just more in my face now.

Am I just working toward surviving? Getting by? To what end? I don’t know.

I guess I have time to figure it out… It’s just… Disheartening.

Written 5/21/2014

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