Suck It Up

I know a lot of my recent posts have been about the ways in which I’m progressing. Today, I feel less like progress is happening, and more as though I’m just faking it really well. See, I still don’t eat as much as I probably should. Mostly because every time I eat, I feel sick. […]

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Self Evaluations

It’s interesting. I decided to look back at the blog posts I made a year ago, see if and how I’m doing better. Turns out I’m a lot different now than I was then. Both in predictable ways¬†–¬†ways that make sense – and in unpredictable, surprising ways. But there are still some similarities. Those are […]

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Be Where You Are

One of the things I have been fighting with/worrying about, is whether I’m making decisions that will help or hurt me in the long run. Am I doing things the smart way? Am I making sure I’m being careful? After a major life-changing event, like the suicide of the person you love, the likelihood of […]

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Contradictions

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m now in a place where it’s really noticeable – I hold a number of completely contradictory emotions all at the same time. Right now, I’ve got several things that are going really well. Like, REALLY well. And I’m excited about them. And I’m looking forward to them. […]

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Turning Into Them

One of the phenomena that seems to be kind of common in the people who were really close to people who died by suicide is taking on some of their characteristics. It’s like those people are living the life that was cut short. I have certainly noticed myself doing that some. I’ve taken on some […]

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Moral Ambiguity

*Disclaimer – This is a long, rambling post. It does come to a point, eventually though. Once I was playing a game with friends. The game was called “Scruples” – the way it works is each person is read a scenario that crosses some moral boundaries or not, and the person then chooses their answer. […]

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Relationships

I’ve had various people ask me whether I was ‘in the market’ in the past little while. Some knew about Ian and were wondering if I was progressing to a point where I could look for a new relationship, and others didn’t know about Ian, and were just curious. The answer I give is a […]

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No News?

They say no news is good news, and in most cases, I agree. In the context of this blog, however, I’m not liking that there’s no new revelations lately. I am sick of being a broken record. Yes, everyone knows I miss Ian… That’s uninteresting at this point. With the events of last weekend, and […]

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Reassurance

I wasn’t able to write yesterday for a couple different reasons. An acquaintance of mine was raped on Friday night, and I was spending some time with her, as well as processing some stuff. I’ve been fighting with myself about writing this post, because I feel like I’m taking this terrible experience she had, and […]

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Jealousy

My ex, whom I dated for nearly ten years, got married today. I am so happy for him and his wife. I was happy when they started dating, and happy that they seem to be so good for each other. I wasn’t able to be a witness for them because I wasn’t in town, which […]

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