Two Years

Two years ago today, my life changed drastically. Many peoples’ lives changed drastically. It’s amazing how big a hole one person can leave. I haven’t been paying much attention to the date, to tell the truth. There have been a large number of things distracting me from remembering the significance. Some good, some bad. All […]

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Last Night I Cried

Lately, I’ve had a number of things to distract me. They’re good things, and I’m happy I have them. But I can’t help feeling that I’m ignoring the sadness, rather than dealing with it. And then I counter that argument in my head with the idea that maybe I’m just not dwelling on it, and […]

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Be Where You Are

One of the things I have been fighting with/worrying about, is whether I’m making decisions that will help or hurt me in the long run. Am I doing things the smart way? Am I making sure I’m being careful? After a major life-changing event, like the suicide of the person you love, the likelihood of […]

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Contradictions

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m now in a place where it’s really noticeable – I hold a number of completely contradictory emotions all at the same time. Right now, I’ve got several things that are going really well. Like, REALLY well. And I’m excited about them. And I’m looking forward to them. […]

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Tension

This last week was a weird one. I got a little cold, but then for a couple days I just wasn’t able to sleep. Seriously, maybe an hour or two each night. In the third night, I started getting really frustrated, then I started wondering why. And as I was lying there, I realized that […]

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Reassurance

I wasn’t able to write yesterday for a couple different reasons. An acquaintance of mine was raped on Friday night, and I was spending some time with her, as well as processing some stuff. I’ve been fighting with myself about writing this post, because I feel like I’m taking this terrible experience she had, and […]

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Wavering

Last night, on my way to karaoke, I drove the way I tend to drive to work; the way that takes me past the turnoff to Ian’s house. The way I would have driven were I going to pick him up to take him to karaoke (minus actually turning off and going to his house, […]

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Let It Go

I’m trying something for the new year. I don’t exactly know if it’s a healthy progression or an unhealthy repression, but I’m trying it nonetheless. This is a year that will never see Ian. It’s a year that he’s fully gone from, and I have decided to attempt to make him a little less present […]

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Being Ok

I was discussing personality traits with a friend this evening. We were talking specifically about how people handle mornings. In my longest relationship, my boyfriend was very much NOT a morning person. Because of this, I had the idea that I was pretty far on the other end of the spectrum. Then I went on […]

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Emotional Spoons

There is a really insightful way that I’ve heard my friends with chronic illnesses and/or disabilities describe what their limits feel like. The Spoon Theory is eloquent and wonderful. Luckily for me, I ┬ádon’t have physical illnesses, I don’t have a chronic condition that limits me physically. However, and this is not the same, but […]

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