Suck It Up

I know a lot of my recent posts have been about the ways in which I’m progressing. Today, I feel less like progress is happening, and more as though I’m just faking it really well. See, I still don’t eat as much as I probably should. Mostly because every time I eat, I feel sick. […]

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Self Evaluations

It’s interesting. I decided to look back at the blog posts I made a year ago, see if and how I’m doing better. Turns out I’m a lot different now than I was then. Both in predictable ways¬†–¬†ways that make sense – and in unpredictable, surprising ways. But there are still some similarities. Those are […]

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Grief Hurts

One thing I didn’t think about or know before Ian died was that grief actually has physical effects. I mean, sure, I knew that crying could cause headaches, that stress could cause muscle tension, and over- or under-eating. But I never put it together for some reason. Since February, I’ve lost a lot of weight. […]

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Regression

There are days when I’m ok. I’ve been hungry like a normal person, eating regularly… For a good couple weeks steady. And then today, everything hit home again some. There are other things going on in my life.. My grandma is having health issues, and I fear the worst. Maybe just because I’m low on […]

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Two Weeks

This is another Throw Back Thursday post. It’s Monday morning, two weeks since the last time Ian woke up. Two weeks ago was his last day alive… and I’m still pushing through. Waking up this morning wasn’t as terrible as it has been. Sleep makes you forget. And forgetting is blissful. Until you wake up […]

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Holding to Hope

Honestly, today’s been one of the worse days in this thing… Not because of the friend I have in town, but just because I seemed to be more emotionally…. Unstable? Raw? On edge? Something in that mix. I just felt like I was about to lose it all day long. Not sure in which way… […]

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Losing Weight

One of the things that I’ve learned about myself is that when I’m grieving, I have trouble eating. I can’t eat as much as I normally do (say, one slice of pizza rather than two or three), and if it’s really bad, keeping food down is sometimes an issue. I’m one of those Health At […]

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How To Move Forward

How is it that life just goes on? I feel like I’m constantly being punched in the gut. I know I’m strong enough to get through this. I know I will. But, for the life of me, I can’t even begin to fathom HOW. The center of my world for the past four years has […]

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Choices, Or Not

I’ve had several people tell me how strong I am. How brave. How amazing or incredible. I’ve tried to take the compliment and just move on, but to tell you the truth, it bugs me. Because really? What I’m doing? Getting through, talking to people, continuing to work and such… What other choice do I […]

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No Improvement

I have grown more quiet about my grief. In part because I’m saving things to post here. In bigger part because I’m starting to get tired of hearing my own sadness all the time. If I’m sick of it, how can anyone else not be? So I get more quiet, and try to only post […]

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