Two Years

Two years ago today, my life changed drastically. Many peoples’ lives changed drastically. It’s amazing how big a hole one person can leave. I haven’t been paying much attention to the date, to tell the truth. There have been a large number of things distracting me from remembering the significance. Some good, some bad. All […]

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Winter Memories

In the midst of winter, it’s hard for me not to think about the time I spent with Ian during winter. It seems like most of the really intense memories happened in winter time. At the very beginning of us getting to really know each other, there was a night he got super drunk on […]

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Memory is a funny thing. It’s been a while since I really LOOKED at a picture of Ian. I have them all over the place, and I glance at them all the time. But to stop and LOOK, that’s something that takes a little dedicated time afterward to recover. It always makes me at least […]

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If you’ve been following along, you’ve seen how I’ve struggled with the idea of some sort of afterlife, not to mention the likelihood that anyone there would want to/be able to contact us here. You also probably read about the incident that happened while I was in California, that made me reluctantly accept that there […]

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This morning, I went shopping for glasses. For the first time in at least 15 years, I am going to have some glasses for work. As I was thinking about this last night, I was pondering how someone’s glasses seem to hold a lot of their essence. I’m not sure why, but I feel that […]

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Day 365

One year. I’m having trouble figuring out how to address this day here. It feels like it’s both a huge deal, because it’s the Anniversary, and that it’s completely unimportant, because it’s just another day without Ian. One year ago right now, 12:12pm cst, I was getting ready to leave work to go to his […]

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I had lunch with a friend yesterday who knew Ian too. After we finished catching up on each others’ lives, conversation turned to Ian. It was really good to talk about him. To remember bits of him and his personality that I hold in my heart, but don’t get out and look at much anymore. […]

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Random Memories

I still think of Ian every day. Whether it’s wishing he were here to talk to or remembering something or thinking of how he’d feel about something, it’s still every day. This past week, I was staying at my mom’s place, house sitting for her. I thought the change from routine, getting to a place […]

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I didn’t post yesterday because I spent the bulk of the day driving. Long drives are really good for me. They give me a chance to think, to process, and to just BE. Turn up the music and go. Ian and I took a trip at one point, down to Illinois to see Willie Nelson […]

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It Comes In Waves

Today is a harder day than I’ve had in a little while. I went to the place where we did karaoke together a lot last night, and it was fine. There were a few moments of sadness & nostalgia, but overall, it was a good night. Today, my playlist seems insistent on reminding me of […]

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