Winter Memories

In the midst of winter, it’s hard for me not to think about the time I spent with Ian during winter. It seems like most of the really intense memories happened in winter time. At the very beginning of us getting to really know each other, there was a night he got super drunk on […]

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Degrees of Immersion

I forget sometimes that other people who were close to Ian have had differing degrees of immersion in reminders of him than I have. From the start, I was buried in reminders. Reminders at home, on my phone, in my music, at work, in my car/routes to and from places, in leisure activities, in pretty […]

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Memory

Memory is a funny thing. It’s been a while since I really LOOKED at a picture of Ian. I have them all over the place, and I glance at them all the time. But to stop and LOOK, that’s something that takes a little dedicated time afterward to recover. It always makes me at least […]

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Visiting

If you’ve been following along, you’ve seen how I’ve struggled with the idea of some sort of afterlife, not to mention the likelihood that anyone there would want to/be able to contact us here. You also probably read about the incident that happened while I was in California, that made me reluctantly accept that there […]

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Glasses

This morning, I went shopping for glasses. For the first time in at least 15 years, I am going to have some glasses for work. As I was thinking about this last night, I was pondering how someone’s glasses seem to hold a lot of their essence. I’m not sure why, but I feel that […]

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Random Memories

I still think of Ian every day. Whether it’s wishing he were here to talk to or remembering something or thinking of how he’d feel about something, it’s still every day. This past week, I was staying at my mom’s place, house sitting for her. I thought the change from routine, getting to a place […]

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Eyes

I didn’t post yesterday because I spent the bulk of the day driving. Long drives are really good for me. They give me a chance to think, to process, and to just BE. Turn up the music and go. Ian and I took a trip at one point, down to Illinois to see Willie Nelson […]

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Illuminate

The other day, I was singing a song at karaoke that had the word suicide in it pretty prominently. I was there with a friend of mine and Ian’s, and he said he was surprised I’d sing that song. It made me ponder, because the song really didn’t bug me at all. Maybe I’m weird, […]

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It Comes In Waves

Today is a harder day than I’ve had in a little while. I went to the place where we did karaoke together a lot last night, and it was fine. There were a few moments of sadness & nostalgia, but overall, it was a good night. Today, my playlist seems insistent on reminding me of […]

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Vacation

Another Throw Back Thursday Post: Being on vacation, outside of my life has been good for me. I still miss Ian every day, but the constant reminders aren’t here. I’m seeing people he didn’t know very well if at all. I’m going places we never went, or really even talked about. I miss my home, […]

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