Self Evaluations

It’s interesting. I decided to look back at the blog posts I made a year ago, see if and how I’m doing better. Turns out I’m a lot different now than I was then. Both in predictable ways – ways that make sense – and in unpredictable, surprising ways. But there are still some similarities. Those are […]

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Visiting

If you’ve been following along, you’ve seen how I’ve struggled with the idea of some sort of afterlife, not to mention the likelihood that anyone there would want to/be able to contact us here. You also probably read about the incident that happened while I was in California, that made me reluctantly accept that there […]

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Signs

Friday I had a rough evening. I was homesick after two weeks away, and my brain wouldn’t let some things go. I went to sleep through tears, and begged Ian, “If you ARE still out there, and you did care at all, let me know.” I have a number of friends who claim sensitivity, and […]

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Sunday Letter #33

Dear Ian, This may be the last letter I write to you. I still don’t know if they were good ideas to begin with, but now, I feel like they may be aiding me in avoiding letting go. I felt like I had a choice in that… I’m not sure why, because obviously none of […]

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Sunday Letter #32

Ian, A year ago this afternoon, you and I weren’t talking. A year ago this evening, events conspired to throw us back together, and a year ago in the wee hours of tomorrow morning, I told you, sitting in the front seat of my car, that being with you was like coming home. And you […]

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Sunday Letter #29

Ian, I don’t know if these letters necessarily help me, or anyone else. But for lack of a distinct impression either way, I’m going to continue them. This week was ok. I had a friend from college visit this weekend, which was really nice. I wish you could have been here to hang with us. […]

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Sunday Letter #23

Ian, It’s been a really roller coaster week. But I guess a far more mild roller coaster than it has been. You’re still gone, and that sucks. But it’s fall, Halloween is coming, and the days are getting shorter. This is the time of year my mood generally starts naturally improving, so it makes sense […]

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Forsaken

There’s a band I discovered in college, and I’ve had their music cycling through pretty much every playlist I’ve made since then. Today, one of their songs came up. Listening to it, I identified with the lyrics, the mood. In my darkest, most hopeless hours, I definitely feel that way. Luckily, those hours are becoming […]

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Sleepless

I’ve been sick for the last week and a half. This is highly unusual,because on the rare occasions I do get sick, I’m usually over it in a couple days. I don’t do sick well. Not that anyone really does, but because it’s so unusual, I tend to get more annoyed, whiny, and cranky than I […]

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First Letter

Another Throw Back Thursday post. This was the first letter I wrote to Ian. Ian, It’s been 24 days. 24 days since you checked out. Escaped. Bailed. Lost the fight. How I think about it changes with my mood. I still miss you constantly. This morning on my way to work, as I was driving […]

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