PTSD and Finding

Each day the online support forum I’m part of asks a question, or brings up a topic. Friday’s was “Finding the Person” and I’ve been sitting on the details of that for a long time. I wrote this over a year ago. I didn’t want to forget the details. So, this is going to be […]

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Tension

This last week was a weird one. I got a little cold, but then for a couple days I just wasn’t able to sleep. Seriously, maybe an hour or two each night. In the third night, I started getting really frustrated, then I started wondering why. And as I was lying there, I realized that […]

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Haunted

I haven’t talked much so far about the effect that finding Ian had on me… Mostly, because up until lately, I haven’t felt like it’s had much effect at all in terms of making my experience different than anyone else’s. In fact, up until lately, I’ve been a little glad that it was me, for […]

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Three Weeks

Another throw back Thursday post. – These posts are things that I wrote at that time, so the sentiments may or may not still be applicable as time moves on. Three weeks out and his house still smells like him. I wandered around, smelling the air and crying and talking to him. I went from […]

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Calm With a Chance of Storms

Another throw-back Thursday post. Ok, so there’s this thing happening that I’ve noticed today. It’s weird for me, so I figure it must be something to do with what’s going on. Due to a counseling session yesterday, followed by a very good conversation with his sister, and a realization later in the night, I am […]

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Darkness

They say a suicide can cause a chain reaction. That sometimes people will follow suit. I never could. Many things would stop me. Mostly the thought of how it would affect those people I’d leave behind. I couldn’t do that to them. I know I’ve thought about it, though. The possibility of seeing him again […]

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Two Weeks

This is another Throw Back Thursday post. It’s Monday morning, two weeks since the last time Ian woke up. Two weeks ago was his last day alive… and I’m still pushing through. Waking up this morning wasn’t as terrible as it has been. Sleep makes you forget. And forgetting is blissful. Until you wake up […]

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Lovely Mind

It’s been 102 days since Ian died. I’m usually ok now, especially at work. I’m getting to where I can concentrate for most the day, stay on task, all that. But sometimes? Sometimes not so much. I was in a meeting today with the people he worked most closely with. We were having a generally […]

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Losing Weight

One of the things that I’ve learned about myself is that when I’m grieving, I have trouble eating. I can’t eat as much as I normally do (say, one slice of pizza rather than two or three), and if it’s really bad, keeping food down is sometimes an issue. I’m one of those Health At […]

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How To Move Forward

How is it that life just goes on? I feel like I’m constantly being punched in the gut. I know I’m strong enough to get through this. I know I will. But, for the life of me, I can’t even begin to fathom HOW. The center of my world for the past four years has […]

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