This is probably going to be the last Throwback Thursday post, since it’s the last one I have sitting around. One week before Ian died, I wrote about depression. The night he died, I dreamt and then posted about how I wanted to live my golden years I just looked back and realized the timing […]

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Looking back on my week, it’s been interesting, surprising, pleasant mostly, and heartening. The newfound forgiveness is somewhat difficult to wrap my head around. I’m still trying to figure out its effect on my emotions. It’s having effects, for sure. For example, my sadness is far less agitated. Let me see if I can actually […]

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I had a dream about Ian one night. I didn’t remember that until I was on my way home from work for lunch the next day, then my mind flashed back to an image. I didn’t remember any details, but that we hugged and he was there. That was a month ago. That next day, […]

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Sunday Letter #15

Ian, This weekend, I’ve been down with a migraine. Had to cancel on several things I’d been looking forward to. In a weird way, it was kind of a relief. Maybe my body knew I needed some down time, though it could have chosen a better way to make me take it. Since you’re gone, […]

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Good Night

Another throw-back Thursday post. I feel guilty having a good night. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.  It was good to have people at my house, doing things that have nothing to do with real life… Watching a show that takes me away. Talking to people who care and are understanding. I almost even […]

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Dreams and Waking

Another throw-back Thursday post. I think I’m lucky that I haven’t had many dreams. Early on, this was one of them. In my dream, I was mad at him. We were in a kitchen, cooking, and he’d done something like ignore me or something, so I wasn’t talking to him. He was telling me about […]

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Day 2

The day after Ian died is very much a blur. I don’t remember when I woke. I know it was early. I’ve had to piece the day together from looking at text histories and other things. Early in the morning, on the suggestion of a friend, I decided I needed to carry around some carrot […]

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I Can’t Hear You!

I may have hit the denial stage in earnest. Or bargaining? Maybe both? I’ve started dreaming of him. In the dreams, he and I are in normal situations, doing normal things. We are talking, or singing, or just hanging out. It’s fun and good, and I’m home again. And I wake up, and know he’s […]

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