Degrees of Immersion

I forget sometimes that other people who were close to Ian have had differing degrees of immersion in reminders of him than I have. From the start, I was buried in reminders. Reminders at home, on my phone, in my music, at work, in my car/routes to and from places, in leisure activities, in pretty […]

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Mixed

It’s been a while, and things still aren’t slowing down a whole lot. I had my second gig with the new band last night, and it was awesome. I’ve been getting so much support from friends, and I appreciate it so much. The band is full of amazing people, and they’re so incredibly talented that […]

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Glasses

This morning, I went shopping for glasses. For the first time in at least 15 years, I am going to have some glasses for work. As I was thinking about this last night, I was pondering how someone’s glasses seem to hold a lot of their essence. I’m not sure why, but I feel that […]

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Hookah

This is another throwback Thursday post. I went to the Hookah tonight. First time I’ve been back since his death. Walking in hurt. I thought about all the times we’d driven there together… All the fun… I got inside the second door, and saw the place where on New Year’s Eve, when we were on […]

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New Year

It’s 2015. A new year. The crappy year that Ian died is gone. Good riddance. Except that now it’s a year he won’t ever see. And that sucks. Such a mixed bag of emotions. My New Year’s greeting for all my loved ones this year wasn’t “Happy New Year!” Because I didn’t feel particularly happy. […]

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Support

I was watching a tv show, and one of the characters who’d lost the man she’d loved was talking to another woman whose husband had died more recently. She said, “At first, everyone’s there. But after a while, people forget. Everyone moves on. Everyone but you.” There are definitely days when I feel like that. […]

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Sunday Letter #30

Ian, Thanksgiving was lovely. My mom and I spent the afternoon with your family, and they are wonderful. I can’t imagine they weren’t feeling your absence. You came up in conversation pretty naturally, and it was good to be able to just be, and not feel bad about mentioning you. I did miss cooking, however, […]

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Cleaning Up

Since Ian died, my house became kind of a shrine to him, or a repository for stuff of his… in disorganized piles, things here, there, everywhere that were his, or reminded me of him… It was a mess. Add to that the fact that I didn’t really have enough counter/shelf space in my kitchen, and […]

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Surviving Parents

No throwback today either. This article showed up in my email group, and I thought it would be good to share. If a mother can be only as happy as her unhappiest child, the unhappiest of mothers are those whose children have died- particularly when the death was intentional. For them, time seems doubly out […]

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Upcoming Holidays

No throwback post today. This came to my email box from the email support group I’m a part of. It’s a really good article about dealing with the holidays and traditions after a loved one dies. I admit that I cried while reading it. A couple excerpts: …After a death it’s common to feel a […]

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