Winter Memories

In the midst of winter, it’s hard for me not to think about the time I spent with Ian during winter. It seems like most of the really intense memories happened in winter time. At the very beginning of us getting to really know each other, there was a night he got super drunk on […]

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Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving approaches, and as it does, I feel the need to speak again. Thanksgiving is a time of year when people are enticed to be thankful for things in their lives. I know several who are posting one thing they’re thankful for each day in November. I know that it’s a common tradition, around the […]

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Last Night I Cried

Lately, I’ve had a number of things to distract me. They’re good things, and I’m happy I have them. But I can’t help feeling that I’m ignoring the sadness, rather than dealing with it. And then I counter that argument in my head with the idea that maybe I’m just not dwelling on it, and […]

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Degrees of Immersion

I forget sometimes that other people who were close to Ian have had differing degrees of immersion in reminders of him than I have. From the start, I was buried in reminders. Reminders at home, on my phone, in my music, at work, in my car/routes to and from places, in leisure activities, in pretty […]

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Permanence

The permanence of death is a difficult concept for my heart to grasp. I know Ian’s gone. I know he’ll never be back. But my heart… my heart still wants to see him. My heart still wants to talk to him. My heart still hopes to hug him. Even though I know it’s not possible, […]

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Passive Contemplation

This is a topic I’ve been avoiding because I worried that it would freak people out. So, I’m prefacing this particular blog entry with this request: Before reacting, read the WHOLE thing, and see where I go with it. Because it’s not as scary as it starts. Not remotely. I have contemplated the idea of […]

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Brevity

I am really struggling to come up with anything insightful to say here recently. I’ve been busy, sure, and that doesn’t help. But also, I feel like my experience has reached a boring point where not much new is coming out, and not much is changing. I keep alternating between thinking there’s hope that I’ll […]

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Happy Birthday, Turdface.

Today, Ian would be 38 years old. He’d be spending his entire day at the Nitty Gritty, drinking as many free beers as he could. And he could drink a lot. I haven’t been posting lately, and I do apologize for it. But I feel like, for the time being, I don’t have much new […]

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Mixed

It’s been a while, and things still aren’t slowing down a whole lot. I had my second gig with the new band last night, and it was awesome. I’ve been getting so much support from friends, and I appreciate it so much. The band is full of amazing people, and they’re so incredibly talented that […]

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Winning Against Depression

I found this article in my wanderings today, and I tried to read it. I’m not sure how far I got, because I didn’t look down to the end, to see how much was left. I couldn’t. See, I was taken over by this irrational and very vitriolic hatred of the author. He survived. He […]

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