I didn’t post yesterday because I spent the bulk of the day driving. Long drives are really good for me. They give me a chance to think, to process, and to just BE. Turn up the music and go. Ian and I took a trip at one point, down to Illinois to see Willie Nelson […]

360 total views, no views today


I read an article yesterday that I sent off to my friend who’s an addiction counselor. I wanted her take on it. In the article, the author suggests (with some decent research to back up the claim, as far as I could tell – though I didn’t take the time to read it all) that […]

229 total views, no views today

It Comes In Waves

Today is a harder day than I’ve had in a little while. I went to the place where we did karaoke together a lot last night, and it was fine. There were a few moments of sadness & nostalgia, but overall, it was a good night. Today, my playlist seems insistent on reminding me of […]

313 total views, no views today


One of the more common discussion topics I’ve seen among survivors of suicides is word choices. There’s a very big push-back against phrases like ‘committed suicide,’ because people commit crimes, so it imparts the connotation of being a negative thing. When you commit a crime (or a sin, if that’s something you believe), the implication […]

294 total views, no views today

New Year

It’s 2015. A new year. The crappy year that Ian died is gone. Good riddance. Except that now it’s a year he won’t ever see. And that sucks. Such a mixed bag of emotions. My New Year’s greeting for all my loved ones this year wasn’t “Happy New Year!” Because I didn’t feel particularly happy. […]

284 total views, no views today

There’s Nothing Selfish About Suicide

A repost of an article that appeared on Huffington Post that I found through the POS/FFOS email group I’m in: There’s Nothing Selfish About Suicide by Katie Hurley – The Huffington Post I am a survivor of suicide. I don’t talk about it a lot these days, as I’ve reached the point where it feels […]

366 total views, no views today


To reconcile is to make harmonious, to restore friendly relations, to make things match. It’s an interesting word with many applications. One that I like. I think reconciliation is a wonderful thing, one that should be a goal for everyone. Making true. Making everything coexist in peace. But, much as I like the idea, I […]

257 total views, no views today

Sunday Letter #32

Ian, A year ago this afternoon, you and I weren’t talking. A year ago this evening, events conspired to throw us back together, and a year ago in the wee hours of tomorrow morning, I told you, sitting in the front seat of my car, that being with you was like coming home. And you […]

287 total views, no views today


Another Throw Back Thursday post: All through my adulthood, I’ve never had a real clear dream or goal. I wanted to enjoy myself, survive, do good in general… Be happy. Since Ian’s suicide, I have been failing at half of those things. Maybe more. And tonight, I started wondering… What is my end goal? What […]

311 total views, no views today


It’s December. December has always been my favorite month, for many reasons. From 12/1 through 12/31, I was always happier in general. 12/1 was always a YAY day. Yesterday, when I realized it was 12/1, I looked for that yay feeling. I didn’t find it. That isn’t to say I’m as low as I have […]

357 total views, no views today