New Year

It’s 2015. A new year. The crappy year that Ian died is gone. Good riddance.

Except that now it’s a year he won’t ever see. And that sucks.

Such a mixed bag of emotions. My New Year’s greeting for all my loved ones this year wasn’t “Happy New Year!” Because I didn’t feel particularly happy. It was, rather, “I wish you joy, health, and wealth in the new year!” Because that wish I could muster.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m a little too honest. I wonder if it would be easier on those around me if I would just pretend, and follow the norms. But that’s never been my way with people I’m close to. I will with people who are in that grey territory between casual acquaintance and good friend. But not with those I truly love. Ian always got mad at me for it. Because I’d tell him the uncomfortable truth. I’d call him on it. He said I was too serious.

Maybe I was. Maybe I am. But that’s who I am, so I’m not going to change to make people more comfortable. I just don’t have the energy to fake it as much anymore, which merely means that I don’t have as many mid-level acquaintance/friends.

It’s a new year. One that can’t help but be better than the last.

I wish you all health, wealth, and peace in this new year.

Written 1/2/2015

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