We all hide behind masks. Some better and more than others. Ian was a master of hiding behind a mask. When I first met him, in 2004, the mask he wore was one of the dudebro, concerned with toilet humor and sports, and nothing else. I met him as part of a big group of […]

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R.I.P. Robin Williams

Heartbreaking news came out yesterday that actor Robin Williams died by apparent suicide. He was 63. His family has requested privacy during this time, which I completely understand. They don’t need random people who didn’t know him asking them (whether in an accusatory manner or not) the questions they’re already asking themselves. Didn’t you see […]

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The Ties That Bind

A topic came up in the FFOS/POS email support group that I’m a part of that made me think. Several people in the group talked about how their loved one kept themselves removed from things that would connect them to life. A number of them didn’t have relationship, didn’t have pets… It seemed like for […]

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Three Weeks

Another throw back Thursday post. – These posts are things that I wrote at that time, so the sentiments may or may not still be applicable as time moves on. Three weeks out and his house still smells like him. I wandered around, smelling the air and crying and talking to him. I went from […]

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Learning the New Me

I’ve said this before, that a large part of who I was died with Ian. I’m still sorting out what that means and who the new me is. I’m not as fun. I’m quieter. I’m not as outgoing.  He brought out the fun side of me, the side that was up for anything, that would […]

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Things are getting… normal? Something. For the past week or so, I’ve been mostly ok. Yes, sad. Yes, still nowhere near what I was before. But It seems like I might be finding the new normal. I still think about him often. Very often. But for the most part, at this point, it’s just a […]

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Why Am I Crying?

So there’s a very strange phenomenon that I’ve noticed. I will start crying because of a particular memory or thought, in the most prominent instance so far was after the wedding we were supposed to officiate together. I held it together through the ceremony and the dinner, then left. In my car, letting the snow […]

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Holding to Hope

Honestly, today’s been one of the worse days in this thing… Not because of the friend I have in town, but just because I seemed to be more emotionally…. Unstable? Raw? On edge? Something in that mix. I just felt like I was about to lose it all day long. Not sure in which way… […]

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Grief: A Common Experience with Common Misconceptions (Part 2)

Today, I present Part 2 of a Sunday series of guest posts by a professional counselor and my dear friend from college. If you haven’t, please do yourself a favor, and read Part 1 first. An Essay by Noble Erickson, MA Anger This may be the most misunderstood of the grief states. Many people believe […]

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No Improvement

I have grown more quiet about my grief. In part because I’m saving things to post here. In bigger part because I’m starting to get tired of hearing my own sadness all the time. If I’m sick of it, how can anyone else not be? So I get more quiet, and try to only post […]

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