Heartbreaking news came out yesterday that actor Robin Williams died by apparent suicide. He was 63.
His family has requested privacy during this time, which I completely understand. They don’t need random people who didn’t know him asking them (whether in an accusatory manner or not) the questions they’re already asking themselves.
Didn’t you see any signs?
Couldn’t you tell?
What did you do that could have caused him to do this?
The truth is that no, of course they couldn’t tell, and didn’t see any signs. Because if they had, they would have done whatever they could have done to stop him. Maybe they did, and he slipped through their fingers anyway. They couldn’t have caused him to do this. The only thing that caused him to take his life is a lack of ability to cope with the pain of living anymore. Whether that pain was readily apparent or not. Whether it was caused by specific circumstances or by the demon Depression in his genetic make up.
I keep going back to this poem:
Responsibility:
I have a responsibility to those I love…
to be loving, patient, considerate, and kind;
to be loyal, respectful, and honest;
to be appreciative, encouraging, and comforting
to share myself and care for myself
To be the best possible “Me”.
BUT
I am not responsible for them…
not for their achievements, successes, or triumphs;
not for their joy, gratification, or fulfillment;
not for their defeats, failures, or disappointments;
not for their thoughts, choices, or mistakes.
And not for their suicide.
For had I been responsible
this death would not have
occurred.
~ Author Unknown
Depression and suicidal tendencies don’t reserve themselves for only the poor and unlucky. They don’t prey on only the already sad, or inconsequential, or unimportant people of the world. While it’s true that people with money and resources are more likely to be able to seek and find help, it’s not guaranteed. Maybe he was convinced that therapy or meds wouldn’t help. Maybe he was trying them, and just hadn’t found the right ones yet. Maybe he was just too far beyond the point that they would help. Maybe maybe maybe….
The only thing we know for sure is that more needs to be done. More research needs to happen. More money needs to be spent.
This site outlines some of the facts and figures about suicide; among those, that in 2011 (the last year that data was available), it was the 10th leading cause of death in the US.
My heart goes out to Robin Williams’ family and friends. Not to be glib, but death sucks. Death of all kinds. I think suicide death has its own special layer of hellishness, though I can’t begin to say it’s worse or better than any other kind. It’s just different. Very different.
So respect their privacy. Don’t ask the questions they are already asking themselves. Learn about depression and if you or someone you know is suicidal, please please please look at my resources page. You’re already here, and the link’s at the top of the page you’re on.
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So true! I’m so sad about this. But it makes so much sense to me that someone so outwardly funny was coping with so much inner pain. You know how they say when someone’s eyesight or hearing fail etc that other senses kick in? I find that to be true of many people with depression. Cruel irony that we’re given the “gift” of masking the internal with heightened external something … 🙁
Very cruel irony. Ian certainly had a very convincing mask.
Thank you for this. Just today I saw on some news show the anchors picking apart Robin Williams’ psychiatric history and asking whether or not there were signs, did anybody notice, etc. etc. Sifting through his treatment and profession, his family and his biographies, doing a remarkable job of exercising their 20/20 hindsight and seeing soooo many clues that might have made a difference. I just wanted to scream at them, F*** YOU! How dare they have the presumption to ask those questions, being so many steps removed from this man’s real life, and his real family? They don’t have the faintest idea. The reality to them is as flat as a TV screen. As you say, if his family had noticed, they would have done something–OBVIOUSLY. Reality is so much more nuanced and fragile than these after-the-fact assumptions, and it makes me sick that this is become so sensationalized. Nobody deserves the pain of losing a loved one to suicide, and they definitely don’t deserve to have it dragged across the headlines for the drooling masses.
Agreed! It’s so thoughtlessly cruel.