Edited to add: I worry that by posting this, I will be discouraging people from talking to me. I don’t want to do that. I would much rather that if you’re feeling desperate, if you’re needing help, and I’m the person you’re comfortable talking with, that you DO SO. I’m ok. I will be ok. I […]
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Another throw back Thursday post. This one’s short & sweet. I’ve received many pieces of good advice over the past two weeks. The best two pieces, though, are these: Don’t let anyone else tell you how to mourn. Be patient with yourself. Two things for me to remember. Is there any other advice that you […]
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As I’ve mentioned before, I’m in an email group for friends and families of suicide. It’s been very helpful to be part of the group, as there are people in all stages of loss, and it’s good to see that we’ve all got similarities in what we’re experiencing, and it’s good to see how things […]
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It’s been 102 days since Ian died. I’m usually ok now, especially at work. I’m getting to where I can concentrate for most the day, stay on task, all that. But sometimes? Sometimes not so much. I was in a meeting today with the people he worked most closely with. We were having a generally […]
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Almost everyone I talk to says they feel like they don’t deserve to feel as bad as they do. We all feel like frauds. I feel like a fraud because even though he was the center of my world for the past four years, that’s only four years. His family has so many more that […]
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I have a lot of friends who are helping me out, and I love them for it. And I care about their lives and the things that are going on with them. And in that caring, I ask about what’s going on, how they’re doing, what they’re working on. It’s rare, but I have had […]
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I don’t want things to go back to normal. I know it’s inevitable. I know it’s healthy. But it feels disloyal. Like I’m negating who he was, how important he was to me…. rejecting it. Speaking with his mom a few days ago, she said that we’d been existing in a cocoon of mourning for […]
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The number and complexity of emotions I’ve been experiencing in the wake of Ian’s death is staggering. I use that word because I really feel like I’m staggering under the weight of them. The sadness alone is big and heavy enough to weigh me down. The other common ones are there too. Anger: At him, […]
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I have several friends who struggle with depression. Since Ian’s suicide, I’ve done some more research, trying to see how best to help the rest of them. In doing so, I’ve figured out some things I could have done better for him. It’s possible that those things wouldn’t have helped. But maybe, if I’d known […]
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Honestly, today’s been one of the worse days in this thing… Not because of the friend I have in town, but just because I seemed to be more emotionally…. Unstable? Raw? On edge? Something in that mix. I just felt like I was about to lose it all day long. Not sure in which way… […]
622 total views, 1 views today