As I’ve mentioned before, I’m in an email group for friends and families of suicide. It’s been very helpful to be part of the group, as there are people in all stages of loss, and it’s good to see that we’ve all got similarities in what we’re experiencing, and it’s good to see how things improve over time. Today someone sent a message about how they’ll be feeling fine one day, and suddenly, out of nowhere, something will remind them of the person, and they’re right back in that teary, raw state.
Oddly enough, when I read it, while I nodded, because while I understood how it could happen, I hadn’t really though about it, so I put it out of my mind. It was a very busy day at work, and I had a lot of things to distract myself.
But then, in the midst of a crazy afternoon, I thought about how I was a little sore, and how I should drink one of the 5 Hour Energy drinks I had, because sometimes (often), that makes me feel better. (Don’t ask me why. I don’t understand it.) And my next thought was how I used to always IM Ian whenever that particular situation came up… I don’t know why, but he seemed to get a kick out of it, so I’d just always send him an IM through our work messaging system with five little clock icons. And then I was fighting back tears.
As the lady in the group said, ‘It’s always right there, isn’t it?”
Written 6/2/2014
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