Sunday “Guest” Post – Disenfranchised Grief

I came upon this article from Oprah.com, and thought it particularly fitting. So I’m linking it here, and posting the body below. When you’re in mourning, it’s easy to feel that nobody understands what you’re going through. And this is particularly true with “disenfranchised grief”—the pain of a significant loss that is not openly acknowledged […]

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First Letter

Another Throw Back Thursday post. This was the first letter I wrote to Ian. Ian, It’s been 24 days. 24 days since you checked out. Escaped. Bailed. Lost the fight. How I think about it changes with my mood. I still miss you constantly. This morning on my way to work, as I was driving […]

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Fireworks

On the Fourth of July, I was with friends who live near Washington D.C. That day, we went to Teddy Roosevelt’s Memorial Island, then out to eat at Ray’s, a well-known establishment. Then we went to the firework show put on by their town. (A suburb of D.C., so not the giant show downtown there.) […]

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Silence

I seem to have stopped writing as much. This may be because I’ve been busy, and haven’t had as much time to chew on things. It might be because I’m a little depressed, and getting up the gumption to do something like that is hard. It might be because what I feel is changing less […]

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What Can I Say?

What Can I Say? I’ve heard several times since Ian’s death that people don’t know what to say to me, which is completely understandable. There is no magic phrase that will make the loss less painful. There’s nothing that you CAN say that will suddenly make someone who’s suffering from grief all better. That being […]

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Sunday Letter #10

Every Sunday, I write a letter to Ian. I’ve found it’s cathartic to say what I feel like saying to him. As always, feel free to write a letter of your own. I screen comments, so if you don’t want me to publish it, I can certainly just hold onto it. Ian, This week has […]

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Darkness

They say a suicide can cause a chain reaction. That sometimes people will follow suit. I never could. Many things would stop me. Mostly the thought of how it would affect those people I’d leave behind. I couldn’t do that to them. I know I’ve thought about it, though. The possibility of seeing him again […]

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Two Weeks

This is another Throw Back Thursday post. It’s Monday morning, two weeks since the last time Ian woke up. Two weeks ago was his last day alive… and I’m still pushing through. Waking up this morning wasn’t as terrible as it has been. Sleep makes you forget. And forgetting is blissful. Until you wake up […]

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Sunday Letter #9

Another Sunday letter. I’m finding these rather helpful… It seems there’s something cathartic about speaking as if he’s still here to hear me. I wonder if that will cease at some point. Ian, I’m spending time with your family today. We have gathered for a memorial event. As I was drinking my coffee this morning, […]

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Sunday Letter #8

Another Sunday letter: Ian, Today is Father’s Day. This holiday never had much to offer me, but I know you would have done something with your dad. I feel for him, though I haven’t talked to him much. I didn’t want to push myself into his life, because I may be an uncomfortable reminder or […]

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