The Difficulty of Living

Another Throw Back Thursday post – Funny how this one still applies quite a bit.

It’s interesting the things that grieving makes harder. You expect the big stuff, like concentrating at work, or being happy with friends, or doing taxes to be difficult.

What I have been surprised by have been the small things. The things that normally I wouldn’t think twice about. In the first week, it was putting windshield washer fluid in my car. Takes two minutes. Easy as can be. I couldn’t.┬áLuckily one of my coworkers was kind enough to do it for me.

Later, it was putting away the dishes that my wonderful mother and then awesome friend left clean for me in the dishwasher. Couldn’t do it.

Now, it’s laundry. And changing my sheets. And getting my mail. None of these things are terribly difficult or time consuming, but the prospect of stopping my car near my mailboxes, getting out in the cold, and gathering the mail makes me want to cry. So I’m sure my mailman hates me, because I just haven’t been doing it much. And my sheets are getting to the point of they’ll need to be washed twice, but pulling them off and putting new ones on is overwhelming. And I have one, maybe two loads of laundry that I need to do… But I can’t even make myself put away the last bits of the clean laundry I have, much less separate out the dirty stuff into loads…

None of these things were things I ever had issues doing before. (Well… Putting away clean laundry has always been near the bottom of my want to do list.) Yet now, they seem way outside the realm of possible.

At some point here, I’ll have no choice. (The sheets are really going to be within a day or two.) So I’ll do it all… But wow, who knew that stupid simple things like this would elude me so well? I certainly didn’t.

Written 3/27/2014

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