Almost everyone I talk to says they feel like they don’t deserve to feel as bad as they do. We all feel like frauds. I feel like a fraud because even though he was the center of my world for the past four years, that’s only four years. His family has so many more that […]
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Another throw-back Thursday post. I think I’m lucky that I haven’t had many dreams. Early on, this was one of them. In my dream, I was mad at him. We were in a kitchen, cooking, and he’d done something like ignore me or something, so I wasn’t talking to him. He was telling me about […]
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This is something I wrote very early on. Throw back Thursday. Well, guilt hit today from an unexpected quadrant. I was prepared for the “I should have noticed and been there to stop it.” That one I feel like I’ve got a decent handle on. The one that popped up today, though. Ouch. I thought […]
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The number and complexity of emotions I’ve been experiencing in the wake of Ian’s death is staggering. I use that word because I really feel like I’m staggering under the weight of them. The sadness alone is big and heavy enough to weigh me down. The other common ones are there too. Anger: At him, […]
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I have several friends who struggle with depression. Since Ian’s suicide, I’ve done some more research, trying to see how best to help the rest of them. In doing so, I’ve figured out some things I could have done better for him. It’s possible that those things wouldn’t have helped. But maybe, if I’d known […]
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As I noted last week, I’m going to write letters on Sundays in the absence of guest posts. Here’s today’s: Ian, This week has been easier. It makes me sad to say it, but I am getting used to this. I still hate it, don’t get me wrong, but it’s becoming normal. Thursday was the […]
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Twelve days after his death, Ian and I were supposed to officiate a wedding together. I did it alone, and it went well. The wedding was great, and everyone enjoyed it. I’m very happy I was able to perform it. I love the couple, and believe that their marriage will be great. I wrote this […]
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Honestly, today’s been one of the worse days in this thing… Not because of the friend I have in town, but just because I seemed to be more emotionally…. Unstable? Raw? On edge? Something in that mix. I just felt like I was about to lose it all day long. Not sure in which way… […]
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One of the support groups I’m in (www.pos-ffos.com) offers the suggestion to write a letter every Sunday to the person who died. They say it might be a good way to get some things out, and while I know he’ll never see it, it makes sense to me. I figured in the absence of guest […]
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The third and final part of my Sunday series of guest posts by a professional therapist and dear friend of mine. If you haven’t read Part 1 and Part 2 yet, please do so! An Essay by Noble Erickson, MA Depression While easy to understand in the face of such potent loss, Depression is for […]
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