They say no news is good news, and in most cases, I agree. In the context of this blog, however, I’m not liking that there’s no new revelations lately. I am sick of being a broken record. Yes, everyone knows I miss Ian… That’s uninteresting at this point.
With the events of last weekend, and it turning to spring, I am expecting a downturn of energy on my part; I suffer from Atypical Seasonal Affect Disorder, which means I’m a weirdo who gets depressed come spring & summer rather than fall & winter. It just means that I need to pay attention to the things that help, like making sure I take my anti-depressant regularly (I’m really bad at that), relying on friends, and doing things I enjoy. It also means that I need to avoid things that won’t help. And right now, that means most social media, any news, and people who bring me down.
Social media and news are easy. I really have no problem there, except that I feel vaguely guilty for not being aware of the world at large. People are harder. For one thing, I like some people who tend to bring me down, so I don’t necessarily WANT to avoid them. For another, it’s really hard for me to discern when someone does bring me down. I’m getting better at this, but it’s still difficult.
Not that I spend a lot of time with a lot of people anymore, but still.
All this to say that I feel like nothing particularly interesting is happening either in my head or out of it. I miss Ian just as much as ever, I still cry occasionally (both more and less than I feel like I should), and I’m going through the motions of life. Onward, yes? Onward.
Written 3/24/2015
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