Throw back Thursday:

Maybe it’s stupid, but I was looking back through all of our text history. We were prolific.

He told me I’d never get rid of him. Said I was stuck with him forever. I told him that never was a very big promise to make, and that I knew sometimes things changed…

This was not what I meant.

He told me I was stuck with him for years to come. Turns out he meant just over two years, exactly.

It’s not fair. It sucks giant hairy festering donkey balls. I’m so angry that he is gone. So mad that he’s not going to be around to watch all of those movies he told me he’d make me watch. To see the final season of Breaking Bad. To cook the foods we dreamt up. To take the promotion he was going to get at work. To go to the weddings we were supposed to go to….

Everything. All of it. He’s going to miss all the plans we made, both tentative, and solid. Both assumed and confirmed.

I trusted him when he said those things. I trusted him after he assured me time and again. I TRUSTED HIM. And now he’s gone.

I know it’s a disease. I know he felt he had no other option. I know he was hurting. But he broke his promise. Actually several.

I trusted him. I loved him. And now all I have is a broken heart, unanswered questions, and memories.

It’s just not fair.

Written 3/16/2014

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