Continuing the Sunday Letter trend:

Ian,

It’s after 2am Sunday morning, Mother’s Day.

I can’t help but feel for your mom today. I wish I had a way I could help her. Instead, I’m lying awake in my own mom’s guest bed after a semi-harrowing drive down to her place.

The drive let me have time to think things over, to listen to music, some of which was “ours”… And to cry. It’s a good thing there’s not a recording device in my car, because after that drive, I’d certainly be committed.

Tonight, due to a couple things, I’m going back over a time that I felt like I failed you. You told me it wasn’t true and I should drop it…. So I did, but still felt guilty. And now, I wonder, pointlessly, if I hadn’t failed you that way at that time, if things might have been different. It’s crazy-making, and I know it’s stupid… But there flies my brain, and I feel like I’m powerless to stop it.

so I decided to write this letter in the hope that it would derail that particular train of thought. We’ll see if it works.

Today were trivia finals. Probably the last ones out team will make it to. We’re pretty hopeless without your knowledge. I wore your (newer) hat, hoping some modicum of your brain power would magically transfer over. It didn’t work. We ended solidly in last place. It was hard to be there without you. Though, truth be told, it’s hard to be anywhere you should be without you.

I still miss you, you dolt.

-Iris

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