In the midst of winter, it’s hard for me not to think about the time I spent with Ian during winter. It seems like most of the really intense memories happened in winter time.
At the very beginning of us getting to really know each other, there was a night he got super drunk on the other side of town. He took a walk (in his jeans and leather jacket, of which neither was especially WARM) and got lost. His phone died. We’d been texting, and suddenly, he was gone. I got worried and enlisted a friend to come over (at 2am or something ridiculous like that) to help drive me over there so I could collect him and drive him home in his car. We did eventually find him, and he was nearly hypothermic. I drove him back to my place, and cuddled with him under a blanket on the couch to try to warm him up. I think that was the first time we really cuddled at all.
At one point, we’d spent time at a mutual friend’s house, and as we left, we looked up and noticed that the stars were brilliant. We stood together, me behind him, holding onto him just to keep us warm. We watched the stars for several minutes in the icy wind, and he said, “In another universe…” I understood.
Toward the end, he coerced me to come over one winter night. I was unusually chilled that night, so my condition was that he give me a good blanket and something warm to drink. He agreed because he wanted company, and threw a blanket into the dryer so it would be super warm. Then he told me that I lived in Wisconsin, I shouldn’t get so cold, and called me a baloney. When I got there, he had a super hot and large cup of hot chocolate ready, and pulled the blanket out of the dryer for me, and we watched movies we’d watched several times before.
There are non-winter memories. But the most poignant ones are in winter.
I still miss him.
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