R.I.P. Robin Williams

Heartbreaking news came out yesterday that actor Robin Williams died by apparent suicide. He was 63. His family has requested privacy during this time, which I completely understand. They don’t need random people who didn’t know him asking them (whether in an accusatory manner or not) the questions they’re already asking themselves. Didn’t you see […]

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Healthy?

I went to a therapy appointment today; the first one in five weeks, due to vacations and generally being busy.  My therapist seems to not know what to do with me… He says I’m pretty much doing what I can, I’m self-aware, and he thinks I’m being pretty healthy in dealing with things. Which is […]

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Why?

Another throwback Thursday post. I joined an email group for friends & family of suicides. Today one of the topics/questions they sent out was “why did it happen?” “In your situation, from your perspective, why is your frend or family member gone, and why was suicide the final act she or he took?” Why did […]

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Three Weeks

Another throw back Thursday post. – These posts are things that I wrote at that time, so the sentiments may or may not still be applicable as time moves on. Three weeks out and his house still smells like him. I wandered around, smelling the air and crying and talking to him. I went from […]

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Go-To Confessor

Edited to add: I worry that by posting this, I will be discouraging people from talking to me. I don’t want to do that. I would much rather that if you’re feeling desperate, if you’re needing help, and I’m the person you’re comfortable talking with, that you DO SO. I’m ok. I will be ok. I […]

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Sunday Letter #7

Another Sunday letter. Ian, I’m mad at you today. It seems like this week was harder than many, but looking back, I think that about almost every week, so maybe it’s just that it’s hard, and as they pass, I forget that. I keep going to things you would have enjoyed. Seeing things you would […]

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Unanswered Questions

Another throw back Thursday post. This one I still feel pretty strongly. Maybe always will. One of the worst things for me in this whole deal (aside from losing him. That’s by far worse than anything else) is the unanswered questions. What was he thinking? What made him get to this point NOW? Who had […]

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Unexpected Guilt

This is something I wrote very early on. Throw back Thursday. Well, guilt hit today from an unexpected quadrant. I was prepared for the “I should have noticed and been there to stop it.” That one I feel like I’ve got a decent handle on.  The one that popped up today, though. Ouch. I thought […]

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Helping the Depressed

I have several friends who struggle with depression. Since Ian’s suicide, I’ve done some more research, trying to see how best to help the rest of them. In doing so, I’ve figured out some things I could have done better for him.  It’s possible that those things wouldn’t have helped. But maybe, if I’d known […]

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Sunday Letter #1

One of the support groups I’m in (www.pos-ffos.com) offers the suggestion to write a letter every Sunday to the person who died. They say it might be a good way to get some things out, and while I know he’ll never see it, it makes sense to me. I figured in the absence of guest […]

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