Another Throw Back Thursday post – Funny how this one still applies quite a bit. It’s interesting the things that grieving makes harder. You expect the big stuff, like concentrating at work, or being happy with friends, or doing taxes to be difficult. What I have been surprised by have been the small things. The […]
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One thing I didn’t think about or know before Ian died was that grief actually has physical effects. I mean, sure, I knew that crying could cause headaches, that stress could cause muscle tension, and over- or under-eating. But I never put it together for some reason. Since February, I’ve lost a lot of weight. […]
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My cat’s ultra awesome totally automated litter box stopped draining on Friday. I couldn’t figure it out that night, so went out on Saturday to get stuff to fix it. In the interim, there was a period of time when it was unusable. Last night, I found a place on my bathroom rug where my […]
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Ian, Today, I’m grilling on your grill. Listened to the Brewers lose first. It feels like in a weird way, I’m trying to continue living the life you should be living. I can’t tell if that’s my motivation, or I really want to do these things for myself. Who knows? I’ll figure it out eventually. […]
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I’ve been sick for the last week and a half. This is highly unusual,because on the rare occasions I do get sick, I’m usually over it in a couple days. I don’t do sick well. Not that anyone really does, but because it’s so unusual, I tend to get more annoyed, whiny, and cranky than I […]
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Another throw back Thursday post: Today, at work, I noticed something. I seem to have two phases of dealing with Ian’s death. Almost two different personalities. At work, I have to accept it. I have to move on. I have to just keep going and make plans and do what needs to be done to […]
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Something came up after my last Sunday letter. The song I posted is about the death of a loved one. In it, one of the lyrics is “I wish I were dead.” That wish is something I’ve heard from many people over the years, some more seriously than others. Most people I’ve talked to about […]
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Something I noticed last year was that I would occasionally have days or short periods where I was unreasonably anxious. Nothing that really caught my attention until one day when I was driving down to visit my mom and found myself clutching my steering wheel really hard for no reason at all. The reason I […]
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There comes a point in time at which you should be improving. That point is largely dependent upon all the factors involved, which are many and varied, but eventually we all get there. If you stay in your dark place – not improving – longer than you ‘should’, people’s reactions to your pain change. It […]
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You think you’re doing fine. As fine as can be expected, at least. You’re used to it. Used to their absence. It’s not easy, it’s not ok, but you’re used to it. Just moving forward… marching on. And then something happens. Who knows what it is? Something you would have asked their advice on, maybe. […]
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