Sunday Letter #17

Ian, A little over a week ago, we passed the six month marker. It wasn’t as momentous in my mind as I thought it would be. I guess at this point, time is time and you’re still gone, so who cares how long it’s been? But I still count. On a long drive yesterday, I […]

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Bargaining

Another throw back Thursday post: It’s been a month. Another of the stages of grief hit home kind of hard today.  I don’t want this. How can I give it back? What can I do to make it not real? Answers: I can’t, and Nothing. It’s so hard to accept that. It shouldn’t be, but […]

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Never Say Never

Throw back Thursday: Maybe it’s stupid, but I was looking back through all of our text history. We were prolific. He told me I’d never get rid of him. Said I was stuck with him forever. I told him that never was a very big promise to make, and that I knew sometimes things changed… […]

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First Letter

Another Throw Back Thursday post. This was the first letter I wrote to Ian. Ian, It’s been 24 days. 24 days since you checked out. Escaped. Bailed. Lost the fight. How I think about it changes with my mood. I still miss you constantly. This morning on my way to work, as I was driving […]

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Three Weeks

Another throw back Thursday post. – These posts are things that I wrote at that time, so the sentiments may or may not still be applicable as time moves on. Three weeks out and his house still smells like him. I wandered around, smelling the air and crying and talking to him. I went from […]

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Fireworks

On the Fourth of July, I was with friends who live near Washington D.C. That day, we went to Teddy Roosevelt’s Memorial Island, then out to eat at Ray’s, a well-known establishment. Then we went to the firework show put on by their town. (A suburb of D.C., so not the giant show downtown there.) […]

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Two Month Letter

I wrote this at the two month mark. It’s hard to believe that more time has passed since I wrote it than had between his death and the writing thereof. Ian, Two months ago right now, you were drinking your last drinks. Listening to whatever your last playlist was. Maybe watching your last movie. Tonight, […]

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Sunday Letter #11

Ian, I’m finally home after two weeks away. The first week, with your family was such a good support. I can’t begin to tell you how lucky you were to have them. How incredibly warm and accepting they are. How loving. All of those things mean that I’m lucky to have them now, too… Because […]

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Two Weeks

This is another Throw Back Thursday post. It’s Monday morning, two weeks since the last time Ian woke up. Two weeks ago was his last day alive… and I’m still pushing through. Waking up this morning wasn’t as terrible as it has been. Sleep makes you forget. And forgetting is blissful. Until you wake up […]

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Action/Inaction

They say don’t make any major decisions for a while after a tragedy that affects you deeply. I can see the sense in that. I think if it weren’t for my cat needing me here, I may have made some very stupid decisions lately. At what point, though, is it better to act than not? […]

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