Something I noticed last year was that I would occasionally have days or short periods where I was unreasonably anxious. Nothing that really caught my attention until one day when I was driving down to visit my mom and found myself clutching my steering wheel really hard for no reason at all. The reason I […]
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There comes a point in time at which you should be improving. That point is largely dependent upon all the factors involved, which are many and varied, but eventually we all get there. If you stay in your dark place – not improving – longer than you ‘should’, people’s reactions to your pain change. It […]
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Another throw back Thursday post. I seem to have perfected the art of car crying. It takes a small amount of skill and forethought to be able to successfully cry while driving. Driving is a good time for reflection, because aside from paying attention to the road, my mind is pretty much disengaged from having […]
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Ian, This weekend, I’ve been down with a migraine. Had to cancel on several things I’d been looking forward to. In a weird way, it was kind of a relief. Maybe my body knew I needed some down time, though it could have chosen a better way to make me take it. Since you’re gone, […]
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A topic came up in the FFOS/POS email support group that I’m a part of that made me think. Several people in the group talked about how their loved one kept themselves removed from things that would connect them to life. A number of them didn’t have relationship, didn’t have pets… It seemed like for […]
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I’ve noticed in the various support forums I’ve seen around for friends/family of suicide victims that a large number of the people there speak of the day their loved one died as the day their world ended, or something of that sort. I don’t know if that’s something that’s unique to unexpected or traumatic death, […]
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Listening to my playlist today, this song came up. It resonated with me at this point in time. I’m getting the distinct feeling – from people who used to be casual acquaintances (and even some that I considered actual friends) that Ian and I used to hang out with – that they don’t really want to […]
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Another throw back Thursday post. – These posts are things that I wrote at that time, so the sentiments may or may not still be applicable as time moves on. Three weeks out and his house still smells like him. I wandered around, smelling the air and crying and talking to him. I went from […]
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Another throw-back Thursday post. Ok, so there’s this thing happening that I’ve noticed today. It’s weird for me, so I figure it must be something to do with what’s going on. Due to a counseling session yesterday, followed by a very good conversation with his sister, and a realization later in the night, I am […]
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They say a suicide can cause a chain reaction. That sometimes people will follow suit. I never could. Many things would stop me. Mostly the thought of how it would affect those people I’d leave behind. I couldn’t do that to them. I know I’ve thought about it, though. The possibility of seeing him again […]
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