Turning Into Them

One of the phenomena that seems to be kind of common in the people who were really close to people who died by suicide is taking on some of their characteristics. It’s like those people are living the life that was cut short. I have certainly noticed myself doing that some. I’ve taken on some […]

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Moral Ambiguity

*Disclaimer – This is a long, rambling post. It does come to a point, eventually though. Once I was playing a game with friends. The game was called “Scruples” – the way it works is each person is read a scenario that crosses some moral boundaries or not, and the person then chooses their answer. […]

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Tension

This last week was a weird one. I got a little cold, but then for a couple days I just wasn’t able to sleep. Seriously, maybe an hour or two each night. In the third night, I started getting really frustrated, then I started wondering why. And as I was lying there, I realized that […]

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The Benefits of Friends

I was talking to a friend of mine about how confused I am over my emotional state, relationships, what I want, what I’m ready for, what I DON’T want. She asked me if I’d talked to my therapist about that at all. Cue the forehead smack. Because, no. I haven’t talked to my therapist for […]

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Change

This is my 200th post. I feel like that needs some sort of notation, so there it is. This week, I changed the pictures on my Facebook. The profile picture was of my memorial tattoo for Ian. The header picture was of him bowling. That one was a really good picture of him. I feel […]

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Relationships

I’ve had various people ask me whether I was ‘in the market’ in the past little while. Some knew about Ian and were wondering if I was progressing to a point where I could look for a new relationship, and others didn’t know about Ian, and were just curious. The answer I give is a […]

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When to Say What

That title sounds like a knockoff of Who’s on First? It’s a question I’ve been kind of running into lately, though. As I meet new people, it’s always a little difficult to figure out how much to tell about things, and how soon. The new friend at the bar who’s commenting on my memorial tattoo, […]

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No News?

They say no news is good news, and in most cases, I agree. In the context of this blog, however, I’m not liking that there’s no new revelations lately. I am sick of being a broken record. Yes, everyone knows I miss Ian… That’s uninteresting at this point. With the events of last weekend, and […]

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Circles

It’s interesting to me how things kind of go in circles still. I can go a good amount of time now, between bouts of regret, but every once in a while, there I am, back in the “bargaining” area, or at least what passes for it in my head. My bargaining was never trying to […]

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Calm

Looking back on my week, it’s been interesting, surprising, pleasant mostly, and heartening. The newfound forgiveness is somewhat difficult to wrap my head around. I’m still trying to figure out its effect on my emotions. It’s having effects, for sure. For example, my sadness is far less agitated. Let me see if I can actually […]

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