Hookah

This is another throwback Thursday post. I went to the Hookah tonight. First time I’ve been back since his death. Walking in hurt. I thought about all the times we’d driven there together… All the fun… I got inside the second door, and saw the place where on New Year’s Eve, when we were on […]

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Remembering

I had lunch with a friend yesterday who knew Ian too. After we finished catching up on each others’ lives, conversation turned to Ian. It was really good to talk about him. To remember bits of him and his personality that I hold in my heart, but don’t get out and look at much anymore. […]

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Random Memories

I still think of Ian every day. Whether it’s wishing he were here to talk to or remembering something or thinking of how he’d feel about something, it’s still every day. This past week, I was staying at my mom’s place, house sitting for her. I thought the change from routine, getting to a place […]

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Eyes

I didn’t post yesterday because I spent the bulk of the day driving. Long drives are really good for me. They give me a chance to think, to process, and to just BE. Turn up the music and go. Ian and I took a trip at one point, down to Illinois to see Willie Nelson […]

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It Comes In Waves

Today is a harder day than I’ve had in a little while. I went to the place where we did karaoke together a lot last night, and it was fine. There were a few moments of sadness & nostalgia, but overall, it was a good night. Today, my playlist seems insistent on reminding me of […]

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Sunday Letter #32

Ian, A year ago this afternoon, you and I weren’t talking. A year ago this evening, events conspired to throw us back together, and a year ago in the wee hours of tomorrow morning, I told you, sitting in the front seat of my car, that being with you was like coming home. And you […]

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Woulda Coulda Shoulda

I keep going over and over in my head the things I could have done differently. Would have, had I known that my time with Ian would be so short. Not should have, though. There’s only one of those… And it was probably far less impactful than I think it was. But boy, howdy, are […]

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Sunday Letter #30

Ian, Thanksgiving was lovely. My mom and I spent the afternoon with your family, and they are wonderful. I can’t imagine they weren’t feeling your absence. You came up in conversation pretty naturally, and it was good to be able to just be, and not feel bad about mentioning you. I did miss cooking, however, […]

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Thanks

It’s Thanksgiving time. A time to reflect on the things we’re thankful for. I want to take this post to name as many of the things I’m thankful to Ian for as I can. I’m thankful that he taught me how to relax some. How to let loose and have fun. How to not care […]

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His No More

Yesterday after work, I visited Ian’s house for the last time. I didn’t go in. Even if I’d been able to, I wouldn’t have. It doesn’t smell like him anymore. Doesn’t look like his place anymore. I did sit out front for a while, looking in the window, and remembering the myriad times I’d drive […]

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