Ian, I don’t know if these letters necessarily help me, or anyone else. But for lack of a distinct impression either way, I’m going to continue them. This week was ok. I had a friend from college visit this weekend, which was really nice. I wish you could have been here to hang with us. […]
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I was discussing personality traits with a friend this evening. We were talking specifically about how people handle mornings. In my longest relationship, my boyfriend was very much NOT a morning person. Because of this, I had the idea that I was pretty far on the other end of the spectrum. Then I went on […]
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Yesterday after work, I visited Ian’s house for the last time. I didn’t go in. Even if I’d been able to, I wouldn’t have. It doesn’t smell like him anymore. Doesn’t look like his place anymore. I did sit out front for a while, looking in the window, and remembering the myriad times I’d drive […]
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Dear Ian, Today I was thinking a lot about what could have been. If you’d given a real relationship with me a chance, that is. I’m very well aware that it wouldn’t have been perfect. That it may well have been disastrous. However, it may also have been wonderful, and I was pondering that possibility. […]
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I am honestly to a place where I feel like most of the days are okay. Some are even good. It feels like a betrayal to say that. Like I’m forgetting him. Or even that I’m leaving him behind. But then I wonder was it him that left us behind? Who knows? Maybe he hoped […]
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There’s a band I discovered in college, and I’ve had their music cycling through pretty much every playlist I’ve made since then. Today, one of their songs came up. Listening to it, I identified with the lyrics, the mood. In my darkest, most hopeless hours, I definitely feel that way. Luckily, those hours are becoming […]
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I’ve been sick for the last week and a half. This is highly unusual,because on the rare occasions I do get sick, I’m usually over it in a couple days. I don’t do sick well. Not that anyone really does, but because it’s so unusual, I tend to get more annoyed, whiny, and cranky than I […]
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Something came up after my last Sunday letter. The song I posted is about the death of a loved one. In it, one of the lyrics is “I wish I were dead.” That wish is something I’ve heard from many people over the years, some more seriously than others. Most people I’ve talked to about […]
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One of the things I’ve seen suggested for people who are grieving the death of someone close to them is to take up a new hobby. One that their loved one wasn’t involved in, so it wouldn’t be something they associate with them. Since Ian’s death, I’ve stopped pretty much every hobby or pass-time I […]
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Another Throw Back Thursday post. This was the first letter I wrote to Ian. Ian, It’s been 24 days. 24 days since you checked out. Escaped. Bailed. Lost the fight. How I think about it changes with my mood. I still miss you constantly. This morning on my way to work, as I was driving […]
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