Since Ian died, my house became kind of a shrine to him, or a repository for stuff of his… in disorganized piles, things here, there, everywhere that were his, or reminded me of him… It was a mess. Add to that the fact that I didn’t really have enough counter/shelf space in my kitchen, and […]
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Emotions are both predictable and confusing. I’ve been incredibly stressed the last couple weeks, due to events and work and various things. And last night, I stayed up until almost 3am working on my Halloween costume, so when my cat peed on my rug and I discovered it right before that 3am bed time, it’s […]
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Ian, Despite a pretty terrible start, this week was surprisingly good. We started a D&D game with a group from work, that you would absolutely be a part of. But even though you’re not, I’m able to have fun… Let an alternate world take me away for a while. I’m getting tired of hearing myself […]
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Ian, I’m lying awake, late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, when we would almost certainly be together. I just realized the date, and it was 8 months and a day ago RIGHT NOW that you were finishing things up. You were preparing. You were getting yourself ready to die. Man, do I wish I knew what […]
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Yesterday, one of my (and Ian’s) good friends had brain surgery. I spent the day at the hospital with his wife, who apologized to me for not being around more since Ian’s death. In talking to her about it, (she was actually just fine, but I understand feeling like you haven’t done enough. I feel […]
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Ian, This weekend was another wedding that you would have been invited to if you’d been alive. There are so many things you’re missing. I wish you were here to experience them. I had a Caucasian for the first time since you died. I liked them before, but you made them fun…. You made me […]
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Something has come more and more clear to me as time moves on. It started long before Ian, but has been quickly made more clear. When it comes to family, blood doesn’t matter. What makes someone family is that they have your back. That you have theirs. Ian was my family. I was his. I […]
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I was talking to a friend about things neither of us would ever say to anyone else. Things that would cause unwanted reactions in every other case. We decided that for that particular type of thing, we were the perfect distance from each other, both emotionally and physically. It made me coin the term Goldilocks […]
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Something came up after my last Sunday letter. The song I posted is about the death of a loved one. In it, one of the lyrics is “I wish I were dead.” That wish is something I’ve heard from many people over the years, some more seriously than others. Most people I’ve talked to about […]
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Ian, Yesterday was another wedding. We’re getting out of the weddings to which you were actually invited, and into the ones to which you would have been invited if you’d been alive. You would have been invited to this one, and you would certainly have gone, since you really liked the bride & groom when […]
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