There are days when I’m ok. I’ve been hungry like a normal person, eating regularly… For a good couple weeks steady. And then today, everything hit home again some. There are other things going on in my life.. My grandma is having health issues, and I fear the worst. Maybe just because I’m low on […]
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A topic came up in the FFOS/POS email support group that I’m a part of that made me think. Several people in the group talked about how their loved one kept themselves removed from things that would connect them to life. A number of them didn’t have relationship, didn’t have pets… It seemed like for […]
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I was pondering something this evening about how I deal with people. I tend to have a hard time trusting that people continue to want me around. I have had the conversation with people in the past about how that sounds like I have low self esteem. That is not the case. Tonight I came […]
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I wrote this at the two month mark. It’s hard to believe that more time has passed since I wrote it than had between his death and the writing thereof. Ian, Two months ago right now, you were drinking your last drinks. Listening to whatever your last playlist was. Maybe watching your last movie. Tonight, […]
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Ian, I’m finally home after two weeks away. The first week, with your family was such a good support. I can’t begin to tell you how lucky you were to have them. How incredibly warm and accepting they are. How loving. All of those things mean that I’m lucky to have them now, too… Because […]
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I seem to have stopped writing as much. This may be because I’ve been busy, and haven’t had as much time to chew on things. It might be because I’m a little depressed, and getting up the gumption to do something like that is hard. It might be because what I feel is changing less […]
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Another throw-back Thursday post. Ok, so there’s this thing happening that I’ve noticed today. It’s weird for me, so I figure it must be something to do with what’s going on. Due to a counseling session yesterday, followed by a very good conversation with his sister, and a realization later in the night, I am […]
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Every Sunday, I write a letter to Ian. I’ve found it’s cathartic to say what I feel like saying to him. As always, feel free to write a letter of your own. I screen comments, so if you don’t want me to publish it, I can certainly just hold onto it. Ian, This week has […]
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This is another Throw Back Thursday post. It’s Monday morning, two weeks since the last time Ian woke up. Two weeks ago was his last day alive… and I’m still pushing through. Waking up this morning wasn’t as terrible as it has been. Sleep makes you forget. And forgetting is blissful. Until you wake up […]
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Another Sunday letter. I’m finding these rather helpful… It seems there’s something cathartic about speaking as if he’s still here to hear me. I wonder if that will cease at some point. Ian, I’m spending time with your family today. We have gathered for a memorial event. As I was drinking my coffee this morning, […]
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