Sunday Letter #24

Ian, I’m lying awake, late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, when we would almost certainly be together. I just realized the date, and it was 8 months and a day ago RIGHT NOW that you were finishing things up. You were preparing. You were getting yourself ready to die. Man, do I wish I knew what […]

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Turning a Corner

Yesterday, one of my (and Ian’s) good friends had brain surgery. I spent the day at the hospital with his wife, who apologized to me for not being around more since Ian’s death. In talking to her about it, (she was actually just fine, but I understand feeling like you haven’t done enough. I feel […]

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Family

Something has come more and more clear to me as time moves on. It started long before Ian, but has been quickly made more clear. When it comes to family, blood doesn’t matter. What makes someone family is that they have your back. That you have theirs. Ian was my family. I was his. I […]

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Sleepless

I’ve been sick for the last week and a half. This is highly unusual,because on the rare occasions I do get sick, I’m usually over it in a couple days. I don’t do sick well. Not that anyone really does, but because it’s so unusual, I tend to get more annoyed, whiny, and cranky than I […]

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Wish=/=Act

Something came up after my last Sunday letter. The song I posted is about the death of a loved one. In it, one of the lyrics is “I wish I were dead.” That wish is something I’ve heard from many people over the years, some more seriously than others. Most people I’ve talked to about […]

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Sunday Letter #18

Ian, Yesterday was another wedding. We’re getting out of the weddings to which you were actually invited, and into the ones to which you would have been invited if you’d been alive. You would have been invited to this one, and you would certainly have gone, since you really liked the bride & groom when […]

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Fake Healing

There comes a point in time at which you should be improving. That point is largely dependent upon all the factors involved, which are many and varied, but eventually we all get there. If you stay in your dark place – not improving – longer than you ‘should’, people’s reactions to your pain change. It […]

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Bargaining

Another throw back Thursday post: It’s been a month. Another of the stages of grief hit home kind of hard today.  I don’t want this. How can I give it back? What can I do to make it not real? Answers: I can’t, and Nothing. It’s so hard to accept that. It shouldn’t be, but […]

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R.I.P. Robin Williams

Heartbreaking news came out yesterday that actor Robin Williams died by apparent suicide. He was 63. His family has requested privacy during this time, which I completely understand. They don’t need random people who didn’t know him asking them (whether in an accusatory manner or not) the questions they’re already asking themselves. Didn’t you see […]

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Good Night

Another throw-back Thursday post. I feel guilty having a good night. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.  It was good to have people at my house, doing things that have nothing to do with real life… Watching a show that takes me away. Talking to people who care and are understanding. I almost even […]

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