Another throw back Thursday post. This one I still feel pretty strongly. Maybe always will. One of the worst things for me in this whole deal (aside from losing him. That’s by far worse than anything else) is the unanswered questions. What was he thinking? What made him get to this point NOW? Who had […]
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As I’ve mentioned before, I’m in an email group for friends and families of suicide. It’s been very helpful to be part of the group, as there are people in all stages of loss, and it’s good to see that we’ve all got similarities in what we’re experiencing, and it’s good to see how things […]
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It’s been 102 days since Ian died. I’m usually ok now, especially at work. I’m getting to where I can concentrate for most the day, stay on task, all that. But sometimes? Sometimes not so much. I was in a meeting today with the people he worked most closely with. We were having a generally […]
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Fifth installment of the Sunday letter. Ian, Another week. This one was better than last. I went to the last wedding we were supposed to go to together. There was a long time between the ceremony and the reception, so the group from work went to Dave & Busters to hang out. It was fun, […]
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Another throw-back Thursday post. I think I’m lucky that I haven’t had many dreams. Early on, this was one of them. In my dream, I was mad at him. We were in a kitchen, cooking, and he’d done something like ignore me or something, so I wasn’t talking to him. He was telling me about […]
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Fourth installment of a weekly letter to Ian. Again, if you have someone you’ve lost and want to write a letter to them, feel free. You can email me, post it as a comment, whatever. I’ll post it if you want… if you don’t want me to post it I’ll hold onto it. Seems to […]
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This is something I wrote very early on. Throw back Thursday. Well, guilt hit today from an unexpected quadrant. I was prepared for the “I should have noticed and been there to stop it.” That one I feel like I’ve got a decent handle on. The one that popped up today, though. Ouch. I thought […]
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The number and complexity of emotions I’ve been experiencing in the wake of Ian’s death is staggering. I use that word because I really feel like I’m staggering under the weight of them. The sadness alone is big and heavy enough to weigh me down. The other common ones are there too. Anger: At him, […]
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I have several friends who struggle with depression. Since Ian’s suicide, I’ve done some more research, trying to see how best to help the rest of them. In doing so, I’ve figured out some things I could have done better for him. It’s possible that those things wouldn’t have helped. But maybe, if I’d known […]
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So there’s a very strange phenomenon that I’ve noticed. I will start crying because of a particular memory or thought, in the most prominent instance so far was after the wedding we were supposed to officiate together. I held it together through the ceremony and the dinner, then left. In my car, letting the snow […]
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