Every Sunday, I write a letter to Ian. I’ve found it’s cathartic to say what I feel like saying to him. As always, feel free to write a letter of your own. I screen comments, so if you don’t want me to publish it, I can certainly just hold onto it. Ian, This week has […]
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This is another Throw Back Thursday post. It’s Monday morning, two weeks since the last time Ian woke up. Two weeks ago was his last day alive… and I’m still pushing through. Waking up this morning wasn’t as terrible as it has been. Sleep makes you forget. And forgetting is blissful. Until you wake up […]
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Another throw back Thursday post: It’s been two weeks. I wish I could hope that it was all a nightmare and I could wake up. I can’t. Yesterday, it hit home to me how emotionally unstable I am. I’m very much not a physical violence person, but when a lady in an SUV honked at […]
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Another Sunday letter. Ian, I’m mad at you today. It seems like this week was harder than many, but looking back, I think that about almost every week, so maybe it’s just that it’s hard, and as they pass, I forget that. I keep going to things you would have enjoyed. Seeing things you would […]
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I wrote this during the NCAA tournament. Watching the basketball game tonight, I thought back. Three years ago, I was amused by Ian’s fervor for the tournament. I have always hated basketball, but his enthusiasm was infectious. At that point, I was still not aware that I loved him. I knew I liked him a […]
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Almost everyone I talk to says they feel like they don’t deserve to feel as bad as they do. We all feel like frauds. I feel like a fraud because even though he was the center of my world for the past four years, that’s only four years. His family has so many more that […]
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I have a lot of friends who are helping me out, and I love them for it. And I care about their lives and the things that are going on with them. And in that caring, I ask about what’s going on, how they’re doing, what they’re working on. It’s rare, but I have had […]
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The number and complexity of emotions I’ve been experiencing in the wake of Ian’s death is staggering. I use that word because I really feel like I’m staggering under the weight of them. The sadness alone is big and heavy enough to weigh me down. The other common ones are there too. Anger: At him, […]
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As I noted last week, I’m going to write letters on Sundays in the absence of guest posts. Here’s today’s: Ian, This week has been easier. It makes me sad to say it, but I am getting used to this. I still hate it, don’t get me wrong, but it’s becoming normal. Thursday was the […]
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Twelve days after his death, Ian and I were supposed to officiate a wedding together. I did it alone, and it went well. The wedding was great, and everyone enjoyed it. I’m very happy I was able to perform it. I love the couple, and believe that their marriage will be great. I wrote this […]
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