Another Throw Back Thursday Post: Being on vacation, outside of my life has been good for me. I still miss Ian every day, but the constant reminders aren’t here. I’m seeing people he didn’t know very well if at all. I’m going places we never went, or really even talked about. I miss my home, […]
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Ian, I don’t know if these letters necessarily help me, or anyone else. But for lack of a distinct impression either way, I’m going to continue them. This week was ok. I had a friend from college visit this weekend, which was really nice. I wish you could have been here to hang with us. […]
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Today is nine months to the day since Ian died. In the last few days, I’ve started wondering whether I’m holding on to something that doesn’t exist. I know Ian’s dead, and I have no delusion/denial of that fact. But I still talk to him every day. Not in the hopes/with the idea that he hears […]
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I was discussing personality traits with a friend this evening. We were talking specifically about how people handle mornings. In my longest relationship, my boyfriend was very much NOT a morning person. Because of this, I had the idea that I was pretty far on the other end of the spectrum. Then I went on […]
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Another Throw Back Thursday post: It’s really hard to know what’s “healthy” when dealing with my own grief. I can’t tell if actions I take are holding me back from processing things or not. For example, yesterday, a group went to a Brewers (baseball) game. It was something we put together to honor his memory. […]
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Yesterday after work, I visited Ian’s house for the last time. I didn’t go in. Even if I’d been able to, I wouldn’t have. It doesn’t smell like him anymore. Doesn’t look like his place anymore. I did sit out front for a while, looking in the window, and remembering the myriad times I’d drive […]
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I am honestly to a place where I feel like most of the days are okay. Some are even good. It feels like a betrayal to say that. Like I’m forgetting him. Or even that I’m leaving him behind. But then I wonder was it him that left us behind? Who knows? Maybe he hoped […]
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Ian, I’m lying awake, late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, when we would almost certainly be together. I just realized the date, and it was 8 months and a day ago RIGHT NOW that you were finishing things up. You were preparing. You were getting yourself ready to die. Man, do I wish I knew what […]
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There is a really insightful way that I’ve heard my friends with chronic illnesses and/or disabilities describe what their limits feel like. The Spoon Theory is eloquent and wonderful. Luckily for me, I don’t have physical illnesses, I don’t have a chronic condition that limits me physically. However, and this is not the same, but […]
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Ian, It’s been a really roller coaster week. But I guess a far more mild roller coaster than it has been. You’re still gone, and that sucks. But it’s fall, Halloween is coming, and the days are getting shorter. This is the time of year my mood generally starts naturally improving, so it makes sense […]
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