Sunday Letter # 26

Dear Ian,

Today I was thinking a lot about what could have been. If you’d given a real relationship with me a chance, that is. I’m very well aware that it wouldn’t have been perfect. That it may well have been disastrous. However, it may also have been wonderful, and I was pondering that possibility.

I can see that we could have been so good for each other. Maybe I could have proven to you that it was possible to love someone who would love you back fully, who wouldn’t lie or cheat. Someone who would love you regardless of your failings. I can also see that you could have continued to prove to me that speaking my mind wouldn’t scare anyone I loved off.

You would have kept me light-hearted and not too serious. I would have kept you grounded. You would have shown me it was ok to accept help and be taken care of occasionally. I could have shown you that those things didn’t have to come with strings attached.

It could have been wonderful. It could have been so beautiful.


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