Ian,
I missed posting yesterday. I wrote something, but never got around to doing so. I feel a little bad about that. I think it’s the first post I’ve missed. I could blame it on being sick all week, which I was. That did likely lead to the lethargy that made me turning on this computer and posting not happen. I’m still not 100% better, so today, I’m curled up under blankets, coughing, listening to the Brewers, and embroidering.
I was talking to a friend of mine who is amazingly insightful earlier this week. We were discussing some situations in which I should have felt hurt, and I told her that I didn’t. That I was just annoyed and/or exhausted by them… and she said something about how I’m so hurt by your suicide that maybe all my capacity for hurt is used up. I think that might be it. I certainly cried when she said it.
There are so many things going on. I could use your insight. Your voice, your shoulder. Your laugh.
I’ve reached a point where I am pretty much resigned to your absence. Doesn’t mean I miss you any less… just that I’m used to it. I can’t do anything about it, so I just keep missing you and continuing to be.
I’m having trouble having much to say today. There’s a lot of stuff going on that I really can’t talk about publicly. If you were here, you’d hear all of it. You’re not though, and dude, I have to tell you… That fucking sucks.
-Iris
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