At some point, you come unstuck.

That’s the phrase that keeps running through my head. I was (understandably) stuck… I miss Ian. I wasn’t able to look at or see anything beyond that. I don’t think the length of time I was stuck is too long. I wonder if it was too short.

And, maybe I still am stuck, it just looks different. I’m not sure on that.

But I feel like my butterfly aspect has taken over, and change is in progress. (Yes, there are aspects of my personality that I’ve given specific characteristics and traits. The butterfly is what forces change, and can cause problems with me getting bored with things I shouldn’t.)

I’m actively pursuing music in a couple different areas now. I’m changing things at work. I’m coming out of my self-imposed alone time.

There are questions in my head about whether that last is a good idea yet, but I think whether or not it is, a change is a-comin’.

I still miss Ian every day. I talk to him every day. I cry often still, though less often than I used to. But now, I’m actually looking ahead. I’m planning. I’m making efforts.

It’s change. I don’t know if it’s progress… It feels like progress, but I’m wary. A backslide isn’t outside the realm of possibility.

But right now, I’m listening to the music of a band I may join as a harmony singer, and I’m excited. I’m looking forward.

The funny thing I realized a bit ago is that none of this would be happening if it weren’t for Ian. Both his life and his death. I wish I could commiserate with him about it. I think he’d be amused, proud, excited, etc.

As is, I tell him about it and am all those things myself. And we’ll see where everything goes.

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