Degrees of Immersion

I forget sometimes that other people who were close to Ian have had differing degrees of immersion in reminders of him than I have. From the start, I was buried in reminders. Reminders at home, on my phone, in my music, at work, in my car/routes to and from places, in leisure activities, in pretty […]

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The permanence of death is a difficult concept for my heart to grasp. I know Ian’s gone. I know he’ll never be back. But my heart… my heart still wants to see him. My heart still wants to talk to him. My heart still hopes to hug him. Even though I know it’s not possible, […]

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Vets & Mental Healthcare

It’s no secret that veterans suffer a number of mental health issues, and often silently. The number of suicides among veterans is above average, and from my limited knowledge, the solutions offered to them are just as pathetic, if not more so than the options offered everyone else. Pair that with the prevalent culture of […]

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Passive Contemplation

This is a topic I’ve been avoiding because I worried that it would freak people out. So, I’m prefacing this particular blog entry with this request: Before reacting, read the WHOLE thing, and see where I go with it. Because it’s not as scary as it starts. Not remotely. I have contemplated the idea of […]

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I am really struggling to come up with anything insightful to say here recently. I’ve been busy, sure, and that doesn’t help. But also, I feel like my experience has reached a boring point where not much new is coming out, and not much is changing. I keep alternating between thinking there’s hope that I’ll […]

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A Lighter Article

So, on a much lighter note, I found this article today, and I just KNOW Ian would have gotten a huge kick out of it, so I wanted to link it here. I’ve been missing him a lot this week, and finding this article that he would have loved gave me a reason to smile […]

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Article: The New Normal

Someone sent me this article today. It’s spot on. On the whole, it’s choppy and messy and non-linear. One emotion doesn’t flow neatly into another but hits you suddenly like morning sickness and can’t be pushed down. The only way to make it stop is to vomit up the feeling — to feel it deeply […]

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Happy Birthday, Turdface.

Today, Ian would be 38 years old. He’d be spending his entire day at the Nitty Gritty, drinking as many free beers as he could. And he could drink a lot. I haven’t been posting lately, and I do apologize for it. But I feel like, for the time being, I don’t have much new […]

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It’s been a while, and things still aren’t slowing down a whole lot. I had my second gig with the new band last night, and it was awesome. I’ve been getting so much support from friends, and I appreciate it so much. The band is full of amazing people, and they’re so incredibly talented that […]

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Taking a Break

I apologize to my readers, but for the moment, I am going to be taking a break from this blog. Things have continued to progress in every avenue of my life, and for the next few weeks, at least, I don’t anticipate much time for reflection/healing/pondering. Much less writing about it. I will be back. […]

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