In relation to a death, don’t like the phrase ‘move on.’ I also don’t like ‘get over it.’ Both imply to me that you’re leaving something behind, and I don’t want to leave anything behind. I don’t want to forget them or the pain that losing them causes. I want to remember and honor them. I want to be able to acknowledge that these people, their lives AND their deaths left a mark. They made a difference in the world, even if it was only on me.
Maybe it’s just because I was an English major and a word nerd that things like this are important to me. If anyone says any of those phrases, or their permutations to me, I take it as they mean it, which is generally not the way I think of them. People aren’t talking about me leaving it behind and forgetting. They’re talking about me moving forward with my life, keeping the important things, but not letting it hold me back.
For me, I’m VERY careful with phrasing. It matters to me that my meaning is crystal clear, so I think about these things a lot more than I think normal people would. If someone says something to me, or I hear something that bugs me in some way, I consider until I figure out what the issue is. That’s how I came to understand why moving on wasn’t something I’d ever do. I will move forward. I will continue. But I will not move on. Same thing for getting over it. I will overcome it, but I will never get over it.
It’s surprising to me how much little distinctions like that matter to me now. I don’t know if I would have caught the difference in my speech/writing if I hadn’t been going through this. It would probably have been one of those things that, if pointed out, I’d see it and agree. But coming up with it on my own? Probably not.
I’m interested in hearing whether other people have had similar experiences. If you’ve lost someone to suicide, what has come up for you that you never would have noticed before?
Written 2/26/2015
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