Mixed

It’s been a while, and things still aren’t slowing down a whole lot.

I had my second gig with the new band last night, and it was awesome. I’ve been getting so much support from friends, and I appreciate it so much. The band is full of amazing people, and they’re so incredibly talented that I feel like something of an impostor. That’s rare for me. I haven’t often been in situations where I feel less talented musically than my peers, and I like it. It’s going to challenge me to do better, learn more. It’s exciting.

It’s not like this will come as a big surprise to anyone, but I’m wishing Ian were here. The irony here is that if he were, I likely wouldn’t be doing this. I willingly spent all of my free time and energy on him. I wouldn’t have even thought to look for a band. I wouldn’t have had the motivation.

I’d give it all up to have him back. Much as I love it, I ¬†would. In an instant.

I can’t. And I guess in a ¬†good way, I’m glad. Because I do love it. Ian would call me a doofus for even considering it. And he’d be right. The point is moot, regardless.

I am lucky. I have people who care. I’m surrounded by talent, intelligence, and kindness.

Things are looking up.

And I still miss him constantly.

Written 6/6/2015

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