Memory is a funny thing. It’s been a while since I really LOOKED at a picture of Ian. I have them all over the place, and I glance at them all the time. But to stop and LOOK, that’s something that takes a little dedicated time afterward to recover. It always makes me at least sad, if not making me cry. I have to prepare and process.

Yesterday, I took a minute. I was thinking about my friends now and how great they are. And then I was thinking that I miss him. I miss his particular brand of friendship.

And so I looked. And I realized that I’d let a lot of the IAN things that he did fade. Really looking at that picture, I remembered them, and I cried.

I still miss him so much. I still know that there will never be anyone in my life who can fill the space that he did.

I’m still here, though I have been so busy that I haven’t been able to post much. I’m still working through this.

And I still love and miss him.

Cranky Sailor 12-1-2012

Written 6/17/2015

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