I’m trying something for the new year. I don’t exactly know if it’s a healthy progression or an unhealthy repression, but I’m trying it nonetheless.
This is a year that will never see Ian. It’s a year that he’s fully gone from, and I have decided to attempt to make him a little less present in my mind/life. I moved some of the pictures I had of him, so I didn’t see them in my kitchen. I am trying not to think about what he would do/say… That’s easier said than done, but I’m trying.
Let it go, right? Let him go.
I didn’t want to. Still kind of don’t. But at this point, I think it’s one of those things that I’ve decided needs to happen, whether I’m actually ready or not.
It’s entirely possible that this is merely an attempt to repress it all. To just ignore it, because when you ignore things, they go away, right? So, it’s entirely possible that I’ll implode and that this is a terrible idea.
But I got sick of myself. I’m bored with it all, and shallow as that sounds, it’s actually a pretty big deal.
I’m not going to think about it (as much as possible), because really, what good does thinking about it do? I end up going around in circles, questioning everything, feeling worse. So. Let it go.
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