Another Throw Back Thursday post:
Today, for the first time since I discovered Ian, I decided to have coffee. I haven’t until now because I haven’t been eating much, and wasn’t sure it was a good idea. I really didn’t miss it until today, when I realized I was dragging, and could use it.
He hated coffee, and would voice that opinion vehemently every time I mentioned it. He did like caffeine, though, and we shared an affinity for 5 Hour Energy drinks.
As I felt the caffeine start taking effect, I remembered how subtly caring he was about things. I have almost constant back/neck pain, and discovered quite a while back, that 5 Hour Energy drinks tended to alleviate that for a good long while, as well as elevating my mood. The combination was almost magical. He thought it was all in my head for a while, but even while he did, if I mentioned pain or seemed down, he’d raise an eyebrow at me and tell me to try a 5 Hour.
He and I would share them if we had them and the other person needed one. One day, he wasn’t feeling very peppy, so I gave one to him, and he came back to me about an hour later, bouncing and telling me (very surprisedly) that I was RIGHT! That they CAN help pain and mood. And he told me I should buy stock in them.
Remembering that over my coffee, the utter gentleness with which he made suggestions, or showed his concern, I cried. I don’t know if I can convey it in writing. I don’t know if I could convey it AT ALL… but it was there. He was so gentle… sometimes. He could be a loud, obnoxious jerk if he wanted. But under it all lay this gentle, tender, caring person who I miss more than I can begin to express.
Written 3/20/2014
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