Last night, there was a spectacular lightning and thunder storm. It made me think of this throw back Thursday post:

There was a night in the spring or summer -I don’t know how far into our relationship – that Ian and I had spent some time in the evening together, then he went home. As was our wont, we continued talking, and while we talked a lightning/thunder storm started. He disappeared for a long while, and I assumed he’d fallen asleep, and watched the lightning through my window while dozing a little. (I didn’t sleep all that much during the first year or two.)

He came back, and I asked him why he’d woken back up. He told me he hadn’t been asleep, that he’d been outside on his porch with a glass of good brandy or whiskey watching and feeling the storm.

He did that, you see. He didn’t only enjoy things. He would immerse himself in them. When he loved something, he loved it with his whole being. Whether a summer/spring thunderstorm, a song, a movie, or a sport, he loved it. His love for things was infectious.

He even made me like basketball some, because being around him when he was immersed in March Madness made it easy to love even something I hate.

The basketball thing didn’t stick. But the baseball thing did. As well as some types of music I would never have found, much less given a chance. I’m even less down on the Simpsons now.

I learned this from him: if you love something, LOVE it. Don’t temper your enthusiasm for any reason. Bad at it? Doesn’t matter, as long as you’re having fun. No one else loves it? Who cares?

He did that with people too, actually. He saw the good in people. And would stand by them, even when no one else did. He wasn’t perfect, and occasionally cut off people who maybe he shouldn’t have, or stuck by people who were bad for him, but even when he was doing that, he could see the good. We had many a conversation where he tempered his dislike of someone with a side-note about how he could understand them, or they were just reacting to their situation, or something along those lines.

I wish he could have looked at himself the same way. I wish he could have seen the good in himself too. Loved himself fully.

He taught me to love things with my whole being. I learned that lesson well, I think. I certainly love things with more enthusiasm now. I definitely loved him with everything I had. And I’m looking forward to this year of baseball.

Written 3/19/2014

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